


Fenhanders Week 2017

by TimeSorceror



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Multi, Non-Binary Hawke - Freeform, Non-binary character, Other: See Story Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 18:26:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 33,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12018483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimeSorceror/pseuds/TimeSorceror
Summary: Six ficlets written for Fenhanders Week 2017 featuring my custom Hawke, Hayden, plus one chapter of fic recommendations. As seen on Tumblr. Summaries, prompts, and tags included in the chapter notes. Enjoy all of the angsty, fluffy, smutty goodness.





	1. Day 1: We've Been Flirting for Years Now...

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I am aware these prompts were released in April. Yes, I am aware it is now September. I was busy trying to graduate college at the time. :P
> 
> Tags and warnings for this chapter include: Angst, Fluff, Mentioned Character Death.
> 
>  __ **Question of the Day:**  
>  How do you think they each said ‘I love you’ the first time?
> 
> _Anders said it to Hayden the first night they had sex. He said it in every breath, every kiss, every fiber of his being. Hayden replied in kind that same night, but it was in the way they trailed their fingers across Anders’ scars, first with the coolness of their magic, followed by the heat of their tongue._
> 
> _Hayden had told Fenris that they loved him in a similar manner when they had been intimate for the first time, and they thought perhaps that had scared Fenris away. But later, when Fenris whispers the words to him one night, when Anders is fast asleep beside them: they realize that it had merely been the wrong time. So, the next time Hayden tells Fenris exactly how much they love him, Fenris does not shy away._
> 
> _Finally, it takes a long time for Fenris to tell Anders that he loves him. Unlike with Hayden, it is a wild, angry thing that tumbles out of him in a rush during an argument, and suddenly the world stands still. Anders doesn’t speak the words when he tells Fenris he loves him; he merely takes the elf’s hand and comes to bed without complaint._

Varric had been able to see Hayden’s attraction to their healer from day one. He might not have been all that great with love in his writing or his life (all he needed was Bianca and he was just fine with that), but he knew that Hayden was head over heels for the mage even before Hayden knew it themselves.

And then came the broody elf.

Hayden’s face when the elf came stalking down the stairs, slaver falling at his feet, blood dripping down his gauntlet was nothing short of starstruck. Anders had been there too, and there was definitely attraction there.

But from the moment the elf had called Hayden and Anders vipers, there was already bad blood between them. Well, not Hayden. Hayden had only seemed hurt, crestfallen even. Poor kid. They liked people and wanted so much for people to like them and when that didn’t happen it looked like the world was ending in those pretty blue eyes…

Varric supposed that was what made the elf relent in the end. He apologized and even seemed surprised when Hayden called him handsome in spite of the insult. Hayden was so happy when the elf told him that he’d decided to stick around a while, and Varric had been certain that Hayden’s initial infatuation with the healer would end there.

It didn’t. And Varric didn’t understand it.

Oh, he knew that being attracted to more than one person was a thing, he just  _didn’t get it_. 

He could only hope that Hayden didn’t get hurt, batting those pretty puppy dog eyes at the two people in their party who hated each others’ guts so much that it was hell being in a group with the two of them (which was often, because Hayden took them everywhere). 

Yet one didn’t need eyes to see that hurt was an inevitability. 

It took an entire Deep Roads expedition (which, disaster that it was, could’ve been a lot worse without Blondie along for the ride) and the better part of three years, but the thing that Varric feared occurred not long after a little of Fenris’ past was revealed to their group by his former master’s now dead apprentice. Hayden had tried to ask if the elf was alright, but his only response was to ask, “What has magic touched that it doesn’t spoil?” before he ran off into the night. 

To… the Hawke estate, apparently.

Where they most definitely had sex.

Hayden wouldn’t give him any details, but even if they had been willing, Varric doubted he could’ve understood them. The poor kid was insensible, dark hair unbound, tears and snot; everywhere. They’d tried drinking, but that had only seemed to make things worse. So they stopped, folded their arms on Varric’s table, buried their face into the fabric of their robes, and sobbed up a storm. At some point, Varric caught sight of the elf watching the scene from the crack in the door, his usually unexpressive face wracked with grief.

He’d turned and run once he noticed that Varric had seen him.

So. The elf was hurting too. And he continued to hurt from what Varric could gather when he saw a red favor cloth as well as a fresh potions pouch with a suspiciously familiar crest attach themselves to the elf’s person.

It must’ve hurt even worse when Hayden seemed to move on and bring the mage into their bed and their home, but Varric knew better. Hayden still held a candle for the elf, but they’d needed someone to physical to lean on for support and Anders had finally given in to Hayden’s pleas.

“They still want you, you know,” Varric had said to Fenris one evening at cards when the others were well into their later rounds of ale and it was just him and the elf sitting on the far side of the table, watching their friends. Fenris, for once, wasn’t drinking, and was just slowly nursing a bowl of stew and, of course, brooding. Varric couldn’t stand it when the elf brooded for too long, so he’d had to open his mouth to say something, even if it just might get him killed.

“No they don’t,” was Fenris’ bitter reply. “Hayden moved on. With  _him_.”

Anders. Of course.

Varric sighed. 

“Look, it’s possible for a person to love more than one person. I don’t get it either because my one and only is a crossbow, but trust me, it’s a thing. Now, they were head over heels for Blondie before they ever met you, but you didn’t see their face when they first saw you. Slight gasp, starry eyes, the works. They’ve  _still_  got those eyes for you!” 

He gestured to Hayden in a “look here!” motion, and Fenris sat up to do so. 

Hayden, now quite drunk and laughing happily, caught Fenris’ gaze for a moment before they flashed the elf a coy smile and batted their eyelashes at him before realizing what they’d just done and buried their face in Anders’ shoulder in the hopes no one else had seen.

Fenris’ breath caught in his throat and Varric grunted.

“See? Stars. They’re so bright they’re blinding.”

Now it was Fenris’ turn to grunt dismissively. “It doesn’t. Matter. They’re with Anders now.”

“Blondie was pretty smitten with you too before you called him a viper.”

“What? No. Impossible.”

Varric shrugged. “Yeah whatever, but I’m pretty sure that he was into you. Still don’t believe me? Maybe try  _talking_  to the man. It couldn’t hurt.”

Fenris had merely grumbled and got up to leave while the others were preoccupied with their drinking. Well, all except Anders, who  _had_  noticed Hayden’s quick flirt and was watching the elf slink off with a slightly pained expression. Yeah, Blondie still definitely had a thing for their broody friend.

Varric had just sighed and hoped that, whatever the elf did, he did it soon because damn if watching him brood didn’t make his trigger finger twitch, and if there was one thing Varric truly hated, it was hurting his friends.

Though, this was mostly because they did enough of that between themselves.

* * *

Fenris would make several attempts to speak to either Hayden or Anders about their feelings towards him… though few of those attempts ever made it outside of the crumbling mansion he called home.

Those that did make it out the door didn’t ever make it to Hawke’s because at some point Fenris would realize that he had no idea what he was doing or what he was going to say and he’d panic and retreat to the safety and comfort of his warm, dark room.

Yet one day, he’d somehow found himself standing in Hawke’s foyer, and he was panicking again because he’d found that his carefully constructed words had abandoned him.

Then Anders was there, looking too beautiful in his concern than the man had any right to be, and somehow they had ended up arguing. Fenris couldn’t remember about what, just that they’d argued, and then Hayden arrived home to discover them fighting and was already very upset about…  _something_. Anders and Fenris turned to see the white lilies on the foyer tabletop, and they heard Gamlen’s voice chasing after them from the study.

Had Hayden seen Leandra? She was late for her visit to Gamlen’s.

No, Hayden hadn’t seen her. 

Anders and Fenris exchanged a glance, and for the moment they agreed to put aside their arguments for Hayden’s sake. 

This would turn out to be the first of many such moments, because the evening would turn out to end in disaster: Leandra’s body torn apart and stitched into a horrific amalgamation of people, a blood mage responsible for her death and the deaths of several other young women in the city, and Hayden; devastated.

Fenris, despite knowing he was terrible at comforting people, went to do so anyway, and somehow he ended up finishing the night with Hayden curled up between himself and Anders.

Anders, whose lips had felt softer against his own than anticipated.

How a single kiss could make his heart flutter.

Fenris wasn’t sure that he knew what love was, but if it could do anything to heal the wounds that he’d inflicted upon his relationship with the two mages, he was willing to give it a try.

* * *

Of course, just his presence alone was enough for Hayden.

Anders was still asleep, and this was strange because usually Justice would have roused him before the sun even rose, never mind allowed him to sleep in until what appeared to be almost noon.

Hayden blinked blearily as they tried to reach up to wipe the sleep from their eyes, only to find that their hands were curled up and between their chest and Anders’, while their arms were pinned by another arm they weren’t used to seeing when waking up: a thin,wiry, muscled thing with embedded lyrium dancing along the contours of dark brown skin…

The arm tensed, its owner likely realizing that Hayden was awake, and so it retreated back to curl against the elf to whom it belonged. Slowly, so as not to wake Anders, Hayden turned so they were facing Fenris, and they were about to bid him good morning before suddenly Anders’ thin arms wrapped around Hayden and brought them up against the taller mage’s chest. 

Fenris hummed, and remarked upon seeing this happen, “And I thought you were supposed to be the clingy one.”

Hayden chuckled awkwardly. “Um, yeah. Usually. But Anders is also usually up long before now… what time is it?” They craned their head in an attempt to see the small dwarven timepiece Varric had given them as a housewarming gift.

“Ugh,” they groaned, letting their head fall back on the pillows. “Almost noon. We’ve slept the morning away…” 

Their eyes trailed to Fenris, who was almost a good foot away from where Anders’ sleeping form held Hayden captive, and slightly tense for some reason that they couldn’t fathom. However, he was still there. He hadn’t left, even though he looked like he very much wished to.

“Do you wish to leave?” they asked in a whisper, and Fenris frowned in apparent confusion.

“I… I do not know. I still feel as though I am… trespassing. Like I do not belong.”

Hayden wanted to reach up and fold Fenris’ bangs behind his right ear so they could see his eyes better, but Anders’ arms still held fast.

“You aren’t,” Hayden insisted, and a thrill of fear lanced through them. “I… um,” –they sniffed wetly– “you don’t have to stay, but I would very much like you to.” Their breath came in soft pants, and suddenly they were crying softly into their pillows. Something shifted, and there was heat against their front which cause them to look up. They gasped, Fenris’ body was next to theirs, the elf’s face suddenly very close to their own.

“If that is what you wish,” Fenris whispered, and Hayden shook their head.

“Fenris, I’m not ordering you–” “I know,” the elf interrupted them gently, pressing a finger to their lips. “It is my choice to stay. I might be afraid, I might feel a little out of place, but… if having me here is what you need, then… I want to help. And… to make up for the time I have wasted.”

Then Fenris was kissing them, and it was so soft, so sweet, so beautiful–

“Mmm… what a lovely thing to wake up to,” murmured Anders from behind. 

Fenris tensed again, and Hayden caught him with another kiss before he could pull away, teeth gently worrying at the elf’s bottom lip and nuzzling their noses together, hoping to distract him.

It appeared to work rather well actually, because when Hayden moved away Fenris was blinking at him owlishly, apparently a little stunned from the kiss.

“Sorry,” they whispered, smiling sheepishly. “I… well. You wanted to see me being clingy, right? That’s… that’s it.”

Anders scoffed, and Hayden rolled over to see the other mage shooting Fenris a smug, sleepy smile as he shook his head. “No, that’s just how this one says hello. They’re like a limpet on cold nights…”

“Hey,” Hayden growled playfully, “you never complained about those nights.”

Anders chuckled and rubbed the sleep from his eyes before turning to look back at Hayden. “Hey… what time is it?”

“Almost noon,” they answered, and Anders almost fell out of this bed in his surprise. “What?! Noon? Justice, why in the void didn’t you wake me…?” Hayden merely sat up to watch as Anders flitted about the room, gathering his things, Fenris joining them in observing the spectacle.

“Is… he normally like this in the mornings?”

“It’s noon. Normally he’s gone before the sun rises, and even I don’t usually sleep in this late.”

“Yesterday was…”

“I know.” Hayden clutched at the sheets, tears burning in their eyes again as they tried not to cry. “I… I… Maker. I don’t even have a body to burn anymore. What the hell do I do…?”

They drew their knees up to their chest and wrapped their arms around themselves. This time they didn’t bother holding back tears as they sobbed into the silk of their trousers, and they didn’t notice when the sounds of Anders’ panicked movements had ceased until a hand was rubbing at their back and the bed dipped again under Anders’ weight. Fenris was still close by, still not quite sure what to do, but he’d placed a hand on Hayden’s right shoulder and was idly massaging the muscles there with his thumb.

“Hayden,” Anders whispered, causing Hayden’s attention to shift at the sound of their name.

“Do you want me to stay?”

“What about Justice? The clinic?”

Anders shrugged. “The clinic will survive a few days without me. But you’ve just lost a loved one… I would be a fool to leave you alone.”

“They’re not alone,” Fenris grumbled, and Hayden could sense a little of the tension from last night resurfacing between them. However, Anders merely closed his eyes, breathed deeply for a beat or two, and then nodded in agreement. “Yes, you’re right,” he told the elf in a low voice. “I merely meant that the more support Hayden has right now, the easier things will be.”

Fenris studied Anders for a few moments before nodding slowly in return.

“I know. But… thank you.” The _for understanding_  bit went unsaid.

Anders sighed softly in relief and reached for one of Fenris’ hands, pausing just before skin met skin. “May I touch?” Anders asked, and Fenris’ expression was suddenly one of shock, or surprise. “I… yes?”

Long, knobby fingers curled under lyrium lined calloused ones as Anders gently leaned over Hayden to press a kiss to a part of the back of Fenris’ where the lyrium did not touch. 

“You’re quite welcome,” Anders whispered, smiling softly up at the elf, who was… blushing? Yes, Hayden was certain Fenris’ ears were glowing with a soft rosy flush and they were twitching like mad in the way they had once done in the early days of their friendship, drinking stolen wine in a stolen mansion.

Anders released the elf’s hand and looked over at Hayden as he said quietly, “I’m going to go downstairs and see if Orana doesn’t mind fixing us something to eat. Do you want anything?” He glanced at Fenris. “Or you?”

“Just… no fish…” was all the elf seemed to manage, still staring at his hand.

Hayden smiled at the sight before looking back up to meet Anders’ honey-colored gaze. “I… there was… this soup. Mama used to make it when I was sick… I think Orana might know the recipe…”

Anders’ eyebrows rose in surprise. “I actually think I know that recipe. Chicken and rice, yes? With peas, carrots, and… ginger? No. Sage.”

“Yes, that’s it.” Hayden scooted closer to Fenris and stared down at their hands resting in their lap. “I… I’d like some of that please.” Beside him, Fenris tensed a little, but eventually he relaxed again and even pressed back, very tentatively, letting Hayden know without saying a word that he wasn’t going anywhere.

“Alright,” Anders said when Hayden confirmed that was what they wanted, “I’ll be back up in a bit, alright? Then after lunch we can decide what you want to do next, perhaps?” Hayden nodded. “Sounds good. And… thank you, Anders. I’m… really glad you’re staying.”

“Me too,” Anders agreed, and he was out the door momentarily, leaving Hayden alone with Fenris, who was still letting Hayden lean against him, though without any back support the position had to be uncomfortable.

“Do you… want to scoot back?” Hayden asked Fenris in a small voice. “Against the headboard?”

“Sure.” And it was that easy. They moved back and settled against the pillows and the headboard and suddenly things were much easier. Fenris, instead of leaning against Hayden, slouched back a little and lay partially on top of them, being mindful of where their right arm was so he wasn’t laying on it.

Despite normally not minding silence, Hayden couldn’t seem to stand it today. The air seemed too still, too quiet. Never before had they felt such a need to fill that silence, but now… 

“So, um,” they began, briefly clearing their throat, “what was that between you and Anders just now? That looked like… flirting.” 

“We were not flirting,” Fenris grumbled, and a quiet bubble of laughter spilled from their lips. “Yes you were,” they teased gently. “You were blushing. I haven’t seen you blush like that since… since…”

“Since I left?”

“Yes.” And then the laughter was gone and Hayden found themselves in tears again. “Damnit… I wish my face would just pick a thing and stick with it… I hate crying.” Fenris chuckled softly, and a low, stuttering purr started up afterwards, the sound vibrating off of the elf in waves.

Suddenly Hayden was calm again, though tears still fell every now and then.

“Um… thank you. You.. you don’t have to do that, though. I know… I know you don’t like it.”

“I didn’t like it because it wasn’t a thing that I was allowed to do without being told that I could. I am… merely trying to reclaim that part of myself. And… if it helps you in the process, then… well.” Fenris shrugged. 

“But… about Anders… I don’t really know what’s happening there. I know he makes me feel… things. They’re sort of like the things that I feel when I think about being with you… but different.” Hayden tilted his head, despite Fenris not being able to see. “A… good kind of different, I hope?”

“I think so. I told him last night that I would give… us a try. I don’t know what do in this sort of relationship though, or how to behave…”

“I imagine it’s just like any other sort of relationship,” Hayden replied. “It’s not all sunshine and roses. Even between two people, a good relationship takes work. Communication. Compromise. We’ll have to talk things out a lot.” They chuckled quietly and added, almost teasingly, “And maybe sometimes there won’t be a lot of  _talking_  at all…”

Fenris groaned. “Anders is rubbing off on you. I am not certain how I should react to this.”

“However you like,” Hayden assured him. “And know that should you ever feel uncomfortable about something; tell us. As for the rubbing… Anders is downstairs. Believe me, I would know if he were doing any sort of  _rubbing_.”

“Fasta vass.”

Hayden laughed, bending down to kiss the crown of Fenris’ hair.

That was the moment Hayden knew they were meant to be together, even though it had taken a lot to get there and they still had a long way to go. But they had Fenris in their arms and Anders not far away; even with Mother gone Hayden knew that they would never be alone again: not if either their feather-loving mage or literal heart-stealing elf had anything to say about it.


	2. Day 2: Three's a Crowd, Now Four...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I blame Mnemo for my obsession with this OT4. :P (Technically OT5, if you add Justice, but sadly I didn't have the opportunity to put him in.) 
> 
> Tags and warnings for this chapter include: Angst with a Happy Ending, Karl Thekla alive and well, Mutual Pining, Canon Typical Violence.
> 
>  **Question of the Day:**  
>  What do the rest of the Kirkwall Crew think about their relationship?
> 
> _Aveline is baffled, mostly. She wonders often how such very different people can live together and still claim to truly love each other in the way she loves Donnic. And yet… they seem to be happy, so until she sees otherwise, she is happy too._
> 
> _Isabela sometimes wishes she could be in their bed too, until she remembers that she has her kitten to keep warm at night, but of course it never hurts to fantasize. (She also envies their closeness, just a bit, but Kitten helps there too.)_
> 
> _Sebastian remembers his wild days whenever he looks at any of them, and his still un-renewed vows chafe at him a little when he lets himself wonder what it would be like to be that man again. Perhaps not the callous, uncaring sort that he’d been before the Chantry had changed him, but… just him. With them. With them, he might feel wanted again, but for now he just watches… and wonders._
> 
> _Merrill thinks they look good together. There was a lot of pain in the beginning, but even she knows that some things need to break a little and then grow back over time to be strong enough to really last. She likes watching them steal kisses and small touches when no one is looking. She especially likes it when they think they are being subtle, arousing one another during cards. It’s very cute._
> 
> _Varric doesn’t understand how romantic relationships with other living beings work. It’s probably why the few he’s ever had ended up in disaster and after those fiascos he decided that his one and only was to be his crossbow instead. But somehow Hayden is able to love and receive love from so many at once, but especially Blondie and Broody –together– Varric thinks the kid is some sort of magician. Then he laughs, remembering that they are a mage, so perhaps that is how they managed it. Or maybe they just know something he doesn’t._
> 
> _Either way, everyone’s happy that Hayden is, and that’s always a good thing._
> 
> **Today’s drabble is brought to you by: angst and hugs. Featuring a young Jeremy Irons as Karl Thekla, Tom Mison (Ichabod Crane) as Anders, a young Orlando Bloom as Hayden Hawke, and cosplayer[twinfools](https://twinfools.deviantart.com/) as Fenris. Enjoy. ;)**

Hayden had never imagined finding love in an unforgiving place such as Kirkwall, but perhaps that was because they hadn’t also taken into account that love might find  _them_ instead.

Anders had been… a vision to see when the other mage had rounded on him, staff at the ready and power in his hands, prepared to defend his self proclaimed sanctum of healing and salvation. There had been some definite flirting too, which Hayden was all too eager to reciprocate (much to the discomfort of Carver), and the healer was amicable enough once he realized that Hayden was a mage too.

“You’ve never been inside a Circle?” The other mage had asked, half excited, half amazed. “No,” Hayden had answered. “Not once.” Neither had Bethany, but they didn’t want to mention her just yet. Even over a year out, her memory still caused an ache in their soul when they thought about her.

He wouldn’t give them the Deep Road maps without a favor though, and Hayden said they were fine with it, “…as long as it doesn’t involve children or animals.” Anders’ lips had twitched briefly into a half smile before becoming serious again, and all he asked for in return was for their help in rescuing a friend of his from the Gallows.

Of course, such things were never so simple as that.

The mission had almost ended up in disaster before it began, with Hayden arriving at the Chantry with Anders and two others in the dead of night, a sinking feeling in their gut that something was about to go terribly, horribly wrong. They arrived at the place where Anders’ letter said to meet, only to be greeted with the sight of two templars holding a mage down on a table with another holding the lyrium brand and several other standing to watch.

The brand had been mere inches from the mage’s forehead when a furious roar erupted from Anders, interrupting the ritual, and the blond mage’s skin split with Fade blue lightning, his voice shifting into a deep, rumbling sound that Hayden swore contained the words of two of him speaking at once.

“You shall not have him!”

All of the Templars fell at their hands, though most of them had been felled by Anders alone. Anders, who danced around the room with all the grace that only months of training could bring and who fought with the bladed end of his staff just as ruthlessly as he fought with his magic. It was he who was likely the only reason that they lived at all, especially when Hayden had been hit with a cloud of energy from one of the Templars, their connection to the Fade briefly cut off.

But they lived, and Anders’ friend Karl had as well.

Anders had fussed over the man for a bit, giving him a deep, consuming kiss that tore at Hayden’s heart when they realized this other man was perhaps a little more than a friend, but Carver hadn’t any such reservations when he yelled at Anders to come heal Hayden.

They hissed, trying to summon their magic through the haze that was their connection to the Fade, but to no avail. 

“Hey, hey, it’s alright,” Anders had soothed, his healing touch soothing the bite of the wound in Hayden’s side. “You got hit with a Smite, didn’t you? Don’t try to pull at your magic, your connection to the Fade is going to feel funny for a while and it’s going to hurt if you don’t let it come back on it’s own.”

Hayden frowned through the fog of the… Smite, Anders had called it?

“I feel… strange. Lightheaded.”

“Yeah, that happens sometimes. It’ll go away soon.”

Anders flashed Hayden a reassuring smile that turned twisted his insides and made Hayden’s heart beat just a hair faster. “We should leave soon too,” Karl cut in gently. “Someone will likely have heard the sounds of fighting. It would not be wise to linger.”

And so they left, and Karl moved in with Anders in his clinic.

Hayden still liked Anders. Liked him  _very much_. But they didn’t want to ruin whatever he and Karl had by getting in between them, even though they spent a lot of time with the two mages after Anders had discovered Hayden’s aptitude for healing. Being around them so often warmed Karl to Hayden a bit, almost to the point where they could see a little of what their (apparently possessed) healer saw in the other mage.

After Karl had shaved and started combing his hair on a regular basis, Hayden had to admit the man was downright  _gorgeous_  with that sharp chin, full cheekbones, and bright eyes, combined with his salt and pepper hair that Karl claimed was him going grey far earlier than most. 

Karl was a vastly different man than Anders. He was the calm to Anders’ fury, the careful reasoning that tempered Anders’ zeal for justice. Yet Karl was by no means a wealth of serenity all the time, he had his own moments of passion as well. He just kept them better than Anders did until that anger could be used as fuel for something else. 

Like killing slavers, for example, as was the case on the night they met Fenris.

* * *

Fenris… Hayden wasn’t certain if they had the words to describe how beautiful and terrifying the elf was, stalking down the stairs with blood still dripping off of his gauntlet which he’d used to crush the heart of a man whist it still beat in his chest. It made Hayden tremble with fear to watch, but when the elf asked for their help in tracking down his master to see if he could catch him fast enough to kill him… Hayden leapt at the chance.

And then Fenris revealed to them his hatred of mages, and Hayden’s heart fell to pieces once more. It seemed to Hayden that every person they wanted to flirt with was either taken or was under no uncertain terms ever going to be interested, but something that Hayden said (an offhand comment about the elf being handsome) caused Fenris to flush and stammer, and Hayden’s spirits lifted. Perhaps there was hope after all.

That had been Hayden’s entire basis for flirting so shamelessly with the elf every time an opportunity presented itself from then on.

And they still liked Anders. And Karl. Fenris didn’t.

Putting him in the same room with Anders was an unstable fireball waiting to explode, a thing that often could and would occur when Hayden took them out on trips to earn coin to buy their expedition partnership from Varric’s brother.

Fenris didn’t seem to know what to make of Karl. 

Once, Hayden tried bringing Karl on a trip to the coast with Fenris and Varric, and Fenris had tried to start baiting him with the same questions that often so riled Karl’s wilder other half.

This did not happen with Karl.

“Your partner is an abomination,” Fenris stated one afternoon while Hayden and Varric were scouting ahead. Karl nodded. “Yes, that is the correct technical term. However, I find that true abominations have not the capacity to care for anyone other than themselves, and Anders often insists that there isn’t enough being done for the poor and destitute of this city.”

Karl sighed, folding his arms and shaking his head disapprovingly.

“He will likely forget to have lunch today, or instead he will give it to someone else and go without. Being host to a Fade spirit has some advantages, one of them being a larger mana well and a wealth of excess energy, but a mortal body still requires food and water and sleep. And, that is another thing that I find true abominations incapable of: reasoning.”

Fenris scoffed. “I do not find that I am able to reason with him  _at all_.”

Karl chuckled. “He can be reasoned with. It is merely that your questions bring about the worst in him. As for the spirit he is host to, Justice is a demanding spirit. It is not like Compassion or Faith, which are patient and content with only giving and serving their purposes. Justice is not such a patient virtue, as it requires that when it is confronted with an injustice, it must correct it.”

“Some injustices cannot be corrected,” Fenris huffed bitterly, and Karl fixed him with an assessing stare. “Like your treatment at the hands of your former master? Yes, you are correct in that. And indeed, even those injustices that can be corrected do not always have an easy path to follow, and some of those paths can even create more problems than they solve.”

“Like your partner’s ridiculous crusade for mage freedom. He wishes to bring about another Tevinter.”

“Not as such. He merely wishes to be able to choose to either stand in the rain or head inside for shelter, to feel the wind on his face or watch it blow through the leaves of a tree from the comfort of a place of his choosing and not the barred windows of a tower, if indeed that tower has windows at all. He wishes for mage mothers to not have their children torn from their breast the moment the cord is cut, or indeed non-mage mothers to have to give their children up and never see them again. Is it so wrong to want those things?”

Fenris shifted uncomfortably and looked away. 

“I… well, why does he not say these things when I ask him why? All he does is go on about how mages are like the slaves of Tevinter!”

“And you disagree?” Karl asked calmly, to which Fenris growled, “Of course I do! He knows nothing of what it means to be a slave.” Karl was silent for a while, waiting until Fenris had calmed before speaking again. “Then perhaps you should tell him what it means. I would not mind learning what that means as well. To help my reasoning with his spirit of Justice at least, if nothing else. It is hard to reason with such a driven mind, but if I have a clearer picture of what true slavery looks like, then we might be able to pick apart the issue with a finer comb and perhaps that will allow us to address those fears of yours.”

“Which ones?” Fenris grumbled, tired of trying to get a rise out of the mage.

“About southern mage freedom possibly bringing about another Tevinter. I’m merely saying that if you are willing to share your experiences, we can learn from them. I am certain of it.”

Fenris sighed deeply, shifting restlessly again once he’d caught sight of Hayden and Varric coming back over the ridge. 

“I cannot decide if you are either stupid or foolish…”

“It is entirely possible that I am both. I have never claimed to be the opposite or either of those things. In fact, it is more than likely that I possess a wealth of stupidity and foolishness in spades. My partner is possessed, after all.”

Absolutely. Baffling.

But over time Karl seemed to earn Fenris’ grudging respect, and after a fashion, he and Anders managed to call a truce on some things. Fenris still didn’t tell anyone much about his time as a slave with the exception of Hayden, who had worked very hard to earn and keep his friendship over the course of the three years that followed their expedition into the Deep Roads. 

And speaking of that, the tentative peace that Anders and Fenris had brokered under Karl’s careful handling had emboldened the headstrong mage to begin to ask things of Fenris like, “Would you like a salve for those markings?” or, “Your posture is awful. If you don’t mind letting me touch you, I could work out some of the knots in your spine.” or, “You flinch whenever I cast my offensive spells, even though I’ve never hit you with them on accident like Merrill does. Is it because of your background or does the actual casting cause you pain?” 

Concern. Never-ending concern. It was ceaseless, and interspersed with sprinklings of nonsense and filler words that existed as if only to fill the silence, but it was always present when the healer spoke to him now.

Or… had he always spoken to him that way and Fenris had simply never noticed? It would not surprise him if he hadn’t.

Then one evening he came by the mansion and the two of them were standing there, Anders on the doorstep, Fenris blocking the way inside like a high dragon guarding their den. “What do you want, mage?” Fenris had asked, rather brusquely, and Anders bristled at the tone. Something about that tone just irked the blond mage, Fenris noticed. There was a fire in his eyes when anyone talked to the mage with such derision, and Fenris wondered if something in the mage’s past mage him react so, until he balked at that train of thought upon realizing that he was worrying over a mage’s feelings.

Worse, a possessed mage.

This time, Anders struggled to formulate a response, and Fenris frowned when Anders looked away and wrung his hands.

“…Anders?”

Anders looked up sharply, eyes wide with surprise. Fenris never used his name, like, ever. “What?” he gasped, breath leaving him in a rush. 

“I asked you what you wanted,” Fenris said in a low voice. Something was… off with the healer. He seemed distracted, distressed. “You rarely come to me unless you want something.” He waited for the mage’s response, but he could also hear a patrol of guards coming up the stairs, and Anders was still standing outside, very clearly wearing a staff.

Fenris grasped his arm as gently as he could and dragged him inside.

“H-Hey!” Anders squawked, but Fenris paid him no mind until the door was closed behind them. 

“There was a patrol coming,” Fenris offered by way of an explanation, and then he added, “Now. what did you want? Or did you come here hoping you might know by the time you arrived?” This too, almost got a rise out of the healer, but mostly it appeared to help cement his resolve.

“No,” Anders replied very quietly. “I knew what I came here for, I…” He grumbled, sighed, and shook his head. “You have no reason to grant this request, but I am asking if you would at least consider it…” Fenris chuffed. “I have to hear the request first before I can even do that, Anders.” This, strangely, cause the mage to look at him as though he’d grown a second head.

“Did you just…? No, never mind. I, ugh.” Anders fidgeted, running a hand through his hair, which Fenris had just now noticed wasn’t up in its usual tie. It fell around his face in soft waves, making him appear younger and less stern.

“I’m going with Hayden into the Deep Roads,” Anders said at last, finally managing to speak when he picked a spot on the floor to stare at. Fenris frowned again, feeling very uncomfortable about the fact that the mage seemed incapable of meeting his eyes, like a… no.  _No_.

Unaware of his thoughts, Anders continued with, “Because, I mean, they really do need a Warden down there with them. Much as I detest the place, going with them will help decrease the chances in which they’ll encounter pockets of Darkspawn and perhaps they _won’t_  die horribly. But, I digress.” At last, the mage straightened and looked up, though Fenris could tell that he wasn’t really looking Fenris in the eye, even still.

“Karl won’t be coming with me. He’s not a Warden, and it’s going to be tough enough having to worry about Hayden, Carver, and the rest of the expedition. But… I still worry about  _him_. What if I come back and the Templars have caught him again and this time there’s no one to stop them from making him Tranquil?”

The skin of Anders’ hands began to split with blue lightning, and Fenris tensed while Anders took a moment to calm down before speaking again.

“I came to ask if you would… allow him to stay here. Just until we come back, that’s all.”

“Why is he not here to ask this himself?” Fenris asked in return.

Anders frowned, sighing with exasperation. “Because he thinks he is clever enough to avoid detection. And, perhaps he is, but… I do not like leaving him here knowing that there is even the slightest possibility that he might be as good as dead when I come back…”

Anders looked down again and sniffled wetly, his shoulders shaking.

“Why… why ask me to do this?” Fenris asked after awhile, not quite sure what to do about the crying mage in his foyer. Again, Anders had to take a few breaths before he continued, but eventually he managed to formulate a reply.

“Because Aveline is a member of the guard and would have to turn him in were she caught, Isabela lives in the tavern which is frequented by Templars, and Merrill… well. There are about a thousand reasons why that’s not a good idea, and a good portion of those don’t even factor in the blood magic…”

Anders sighed again and shook his head, shrugging sheepishly as, at last, he was able to meet Fenris’ eyes. “A lot of the mansions in Hightown also have entrances to Darktown from their cellars, apparently, and if yours is one of them, he could still go back and forth between the clinic and here and remain relatively safe until we came back.”

“You… do not wish me to guard the clinic? Or Karl?”

“Maker, no!” Anders swore softly. “He’d hate that. Being shadowed, I mean. Of course, if you want to do that I doubt he’d tell you off for it, but I won’t ask  _that_  of you. I might be more thoughtless than thoughtful than people are willing to tolerate, but even I wouldn’t go that far.”

Fenris folded his arms across his chest as he considered Anders’ request.

He had hated Anders and Karl from the moment he learned what they were. He wouldn’t deny that. He’d even had a brief hatred for Hayden, despite the fact that they had come to his aid without a second thought, even though they hadn’t known who he was or perhaps even possessed fear for their own safety. But as his friendship with Hayden had overcome that initial dislike, so had Karl’s charm and wit overcome his hatred for both of them and allowed him to see through Anders’ tics and bravado. Fenris still didn’t fully understand why Anders did or said half of the things that he did, but he knew that there was reasoning behind every action, whether or not Anders himself knew that.

“You… are not as thoughtless as you think,” Fenris muttered.

Anders just stared at him, mouth slightly agape. 

“I shall be by later tomorrow to offer him a place here, should he wish it. I will not force him to stay, however.”

Slowly, Anders nodded. 

“I… yes. That is more than what I had hoped for. Thank you.”

Fenris didn’t understand what the twisting of his insides at the sight of the mage’s grateful smile meant exactly, but he knew that it brought out the lights of Anders’ eyes somehow. And he also knew that, strangely, he wished that the mage would smile more from then on.

* * *

Spending time with Fenris had been… enlightening for Karl.

Firstly, the normally composed elf seemed strangely off center when he’d brought up the subject of Karl’s safety on that fateful afternoon. Anders had closed the clinic early in preparation for his leaving for the Deep Roads, and Karl had been watching with curiosity as he muttered his list of things under his breath. Almost seamlessly, the elf snuck into the clinic to stand beside Karl, and eventually he looked over to whisper, “Afternoon, Fenris.”

Fenris grunted. “Afternoon.” 

The elf looked over the scene with Karl and slightly jerked his head in Anders’ direction. “Preparations, I assume?” Karl nodded. “Yes. I do still wish I could go with him, in spite of everything. He doesn’t do well in tight, dark spaces and I fear that if something goes wrong…”

“Karl? Are you talking to someone?” Anders called from the back of the clinic.

Karl smirked in response, even though Anders couldn’t see. “It’s only Fenris! Come to offer me a sanctuary of sorts while you’re gone, I assume.”

Fenris made a strangled sound in the back of his throat while beyond their sight, something fell to the ground in a great crash, followed by some guttural swearing. Or, it sounded like swearing. 

“How did…?” Fenris tried to speak, but he appeared to still be a little stupefied by Karl’s words. He chuckled, rather amused by the proceedings. “What? You think I wasn’t aware that’s what Anders went out to go do last night? As I said, he worries too much; I can handle myself.”

“You could at least give him a little piece of mind,” Fenris grumbled. “If he is already so troubled in tight, dark places by his own mind, then perhaps putting your safety  _out_  of his mind will help him sleep better and therefore be rested enough to guide the expedition to safety?” 

Karl cracked the elf a sly smile. 

“Is that  _concern_  I hear, Fenris? I’m touched.”

Fenris’ ears reddened with embarrassment and flattened against the sides of his head, shoulders hunching over slightly as he rumbled with discontent.

“Urrgh. Look, I found an exit into Darktown through the mansion’s cellar, and the keys that go to it. Do Anders a favor and come pick out a room before he leaves? I recommend bringing a broom. Also, I am not certain of the condition of the bedding in the other bedrooms, so you may also wish to bring a bucket to wash linens in.”

And with that, the elf stalked off, the flush that had crept into his ears slowly beginning to spread to his face and neck as he disappeared behind the clinic doors. As he was leaving, Anders had finally come out from behind the curtain that was their cordoned off “bedroom”, carrying a worn Chantry meditation pillow in his hands.

“That was Fenris?” Anders asked, face twisting in worry. There was something else there too, Karl noted. A degree of concern that hadn’t been there before yesterday. Karl nodded in response to Anders question as he tried to discern the source of his feathermage’s worries.

“Yes. He came by to offer me sanctuary while you are away. How thoughtful of him.” He fixed Anders with a knowing stare, and the other mage grumbled. 

“Alright, so maybe I went and asked him last night,” Anders confessed under Karl’s scrutiny. “I just… I don’t want to come back and find that you’ve been caught and made Tranquil! I know we took care of your phylactery, but this… this clinic is… it isn’t the safest place.” Anders hugged the pillow tight against his chest as he sniffed and looked away.

Karl sighed softly before walking over to Anders and pulling the other man into his embrace. “Oh, Anders. I’m sorry if I’ve worried you.” He pressed a quick kiss to Anders’ cheek and wondered when his lover had gotten so damn  _tall_. He chuckled, causing Anders’ expression to shift to one of confusion.

“What? Something on my face?”

“No,” Karl said through another kiss, this time pressed against the corner of Anders’ lips. “It’s just that your eyes were barely up to my shoulders when we were together at Kinloch. Now look at you, nearly half a head taller than me! You beanpole, you.” 

Anders chuckled, angling his head so that he could nuzzle his nose (his beautiful, sharp nose) against Karl’s, their eyelashes fluttering against one another’s like the softest of kisses.

“Well, you know what they say about tall people and what’s under their robes… though, I doubt that even with my height I could  _ever_  surpass  _you_.” 

“Anders. You’re going to make me blush.”

“Ha! As if I could, you dirty old man. Shut up and give me a send-off that will keep me warm in the Deep Roads, won’t you?” 

Karl hummed in amusement. “Of course, love. And I’ll keep your pillow safe, unless you wish to take it with you…?”

Anders shook his head. “No, I’d like you to keep it for now. Gives me another reason to come back.”

The expedition left around noon two days later, and Fenris had helped Karl settle in the bedroom next to his. However, despite having separate rooms, they spent quite a bit of time together, and this gave Karl ample time to observe and get to know Fenris in whatever capacity he could. Karl, though he was not the healer Anders was, still went down to work in the clinic to tend to the displaced refugees, and from day one Fenris had immediately decided to follow.

Of course he seemed unsure what to do until Karl showed him how to tell the difference between a broken bone and a bruised one, and how to set the broken bones so that if a person took a healing potion then the break would heal cleanly with little help. 

He also showed the elf how to wash and fold soiled bandages, but when he asked if the elf could also help brew potions, Fenris balked at the question.

“It isn’t a hard recipe,” Karl insisted. “It’s just elfroot, some distillation agents. A concentrator. The tasks are very simple.” Fenris glanced at the book Karl had open, but he looked away and said in a voice so low it was almost beyond Karl’s hearing, “They are simple if one can read them, mage.”

Karl blinked at Fenris owlishly, taking a few breaths to think before he spoke.

“I… I see. Well. Would you like to learn? I think Anders might be a better teacher for this, since he was often tasked with teaching the younger apprentices as a punishment –though why  _that_ would be considered a punishment is beyond me– but perhaps I could help you grasp the basics well enough. You are a fast learner Fenris, and I believe you have the aptitude.”

Fenris had stared at him for a very long time, as though he were not certain that Karl’s offer was real. So Karl met Fenris’ gaze and said, very seriously, “It is a skill that anyone who wishes to claim their freedom should have, I think. Now, the potions don’t have to be made today, but there are always bandages that need washing. Why don’t you finish the next batch that’s boiling right now and do some thinking, hmm? We can discuss over dinner later if you like.”

The elf didn’t wait until dinner to agree to his proposal. It wasn’t more than a heartbeat after Karl had closed up the clinic and they were walking back to the cellar passage when Fenris brought it up. 

“I want to learn,” he said assertively. “When can we start?”

As soon as possible, Karl decided. 

Through this, they established a routine: get up, have breakfast. As Karl cooked, he usually had Fenris practicing writing each letter or playing a sort of memory game that Karl had devised which helped Fenris recognize letter combinations and so on and so forth. Afterwards they went to the clinic, tried to help the refugees as best they could with bandages, potions, and Karl’s middling skill at magical healing, and usually after lunch they would either go back to work or close up and run errands. 

However, sometimes Fenris would have to do jobs for Aveline or Hayden’s former employer, Athenril. Karl guessed that he didn’t like the work much, but it was good coin and the other elf never shortchanged him. Fenris seemed distressed whenever he had to leave Karl alone, though it seemed to actually stem from genuine worry than fear at leaving a mage to run about without supervision. Karl found it strangely endearing.

One day however, a young refugee boy came running into the clinic and Karl stopped dead in his tracks, fear lancing through his heart. But some other child had gone to fetch Fenris, having seen the elf around and carrying that massive sword of his and he got there just in time to shove Karl in one of the boltholes that Anders had shown him, and they’d lain there for a long time while a Templar raid occurred just outside.

“Are you alright?” Karl had whispered when he noticed Fenris trembling against him. There was not much space in the bolthole, which made Karl wonder how Anders ever tolerated these things, and Fenris was laying right on top of him, trying to keep his markings from glowing too brightly in the dark space. 

“Quiet, Karl,” the elf hissed back, but after a while he relaxed against Karl’s chest and his breathing evened out. “The clinic is going to be a mess,” he muttered, and Karl chuffed. “Could be worse,” he murmured, “they could be dragging me back to the Gallows right now,” and Fenris grunted. “Do not speak of such things. Please.”

Fenris’ hands were clutching at the fabric of Karl’s shirt so hard he feared the elf might tear through them… until he realized that he was only wearing about half of his armor and his sword was missing. His hair was damp; he must have bathed very recently, though he hadn’t used soap because Karl couldn’t detect the scent of the stuff Fenris usually used.

Maker. Fenris reminded him so much of Anders in that moment, though at the same time he was still very conscious of the differences between them.

“May I wrap my arms around you, Fenris?” he asked quietly after a while. “My arms ache and it would make this a bit easier to bear while we wait for the bucket heads to leave.”

Fenris glanced up at him, and Karl noted with surprise that, with the little light his flickering brands provided, they glowed a bright, piercing green.

“Bucket heads?” Came the elf’s slightly bemused reply.

“Circle slang,” Karl answered, shrugging as best as he was able under Fenris’ weight. “For templars. Sometimes we just shortened it to buckets. “Hey, the buckets are clanking this way! Hurry up and finish before you get caught!””

“Finish?”

“Wanking,” Karl finished. “Usually it was in the library, but there were other, less common places. There was more danger in the library though because it was patrolled the most often, and some of the younger apprentices who were learning their way around their bodies liked to see how fast they could do it. Anders used to hold the record for the longest time, though. We made it through almost three entire patrols once before we had to get it over with if we didn’t want to get caught.”

A beat of silence passed before Fenris whispered another question, this time being, “What happened when you were caught?”

When. Not if. Karl wondered if the elf knew he’d made that distinction.

“It depended on the Templar. Some were more lenient than others, and if you weren’t having penetrative sex then your punishment was usually anything from a slap on the wrist to cleaning the floors of the Chantry chapel with a bucket and a hand sponge to perhaps a skipped meal. If you were lucky, you were caught by another mage who might serve as a decent distraction if you needed just a  _little_  more time… but mostly you just had to be fast and quiet.”

“Unless you were Anders.”

“Maker, yes,” Karl huffed, trying to keep his laughter to himself. “Oh, the things he got up to. Most of them were with me, but sometimes you just took your pleasures where you could find them.” Karl finished with a soft sigh.

Eventually, Fenris shifted and he cleared his throat as softly as he could.

“Karl.”

“Yes?”

“You can… if you still need to, you can put your arms around me…”

Karl allowed himself a mental chuckle as he held the elf close. Eventually, Fenris stopped trembling and he relaxed against Karl’s chest. He was heavier than Anders despite his smaller size, but Karl found that he enjoyed the solid press of the elf’s weight against him.

“I’m not going anywhere, Fenris.”

Fenris huffed, as though he were about to disagree, but the elf merely relaxed against him further and the two of them listened to the Templars until they were certain they had left. The two of them crawled out of the bolthole sometime in the wee hours of the early morning, and they fixed up what they could of what had been damaged before collapsing together on one of the larger cots.

Until Anders and Hayden returned back from the Deep Roads with only Varric in tow, the two seemed unable to sleep alone, at which point even Fenris didn’t object to Karl’s request that Anders join them.

* * *

To Anders, it was strange coming from that hellhole of a trip and stumbling back into his clinic. For one, Fenris and Karl had developed a… was it a relationship? It was hard to tell. They certainly didn’t do the things with one another that Anders did with Karl.

From what Karl told him, there hadn’t even been a single kiss.

But there was  _something_  between them, and it was clear that it mattered very much not only to the elf, but to Karl.

“He reminds me of you, in a way,” was Karl’s explanation for it when Anders had asked him. “And yet… he is most definitely  _not_  you. There is still a part of him that remains wired to protect, while another wishes desperately to be protected.” Anders frowned. “Have you spoken to him about this?”

Karl shook his head. “I find that it is rarely useful to speak to Fenris about his feelings unless he is the one to initiate the conversation. As far as I know, Hayden is the only person who he has consistently done that with.”

Anders sat down next to Karl on the bed that they shared with Fenris. It was strictly for sleeping; if they wanted to have sex, the room Karl had originally claimed as his while Anders was away was where such things usually occurred. Fenris was currently away with Hayden on a trip to Sundermount, looking for some rare ingredient or something. Ironbark, Anders thought.

“Does… does he like Hayden? As in, romantically?”

Karl sighed, turning to stare intently at the floorboards. “There is definitely attraction there, what with how shamelessly Hayden flirts.” Karl’s lips twitched upwards in a half smile. “They flirt with you too, don’t they? Only not as much.”

“I… I like Hayden. Sometimes, sometimes when I can get Justice to give me enough time and space for a wank, I don’t always think of you.” 

A chuckled huffed its way out of Karl’s lips. 

“That’s understandable. Hayden is rather captivating. Though… I’m fairly certain you fantasize about Fenris too, if your dreams from the other night were of any indication.” Anders gasped and covered his mouth with one hand as though that might stop the flush of heat in his cheeks from spreading.

“What? Did… did Fenris hear?”

“I don’t believe so, but if he did, I’m positive that he would have confronted you about it.” Anders groaned, putting his head in his hands. “It’s not my fault they’re all so pretty…” He sat up and tried to physically shake off the residual embarrassment.

“Do you know what Hayden thinks of you?”

“Why do you ask?”

Anders flopped backwards against the sheets, and Karl shifted so that he could see Anders’ expressions.

“Because I think that even though Hayden seems very attracted to Fenris and myself, they feel like they’re trying to keep their distance because of you.”’

“Perhaps they’ve been behaving that way because they don’t know that a person can love more than one person at once?” Anders hummed softly in agreement. “Perhaps. Leandra is a strong woman and I get that she’s done her best to raise Hayden on her own since the death of her husband, but… even Hayden has told me before that she doesn’t quite have the broadest of world views, you know?”

Karl nodded sagely. “Yes, I think so too. But for now I think we should see if Hayden and Fenris intend to go further than flirting. As for what Hayden thinks of me… do you mean are they attracted to me?”

Anders stared up at the ceiling and nodded. “Yes. I’ve seen them looking at you before. Usually after you’ve shaved recently. Like they can’t keep their eyes off of you.” Karl huffed. “I’ve noticed that too. Perhaps I should flirt with them and see if they reciprocate?”

“Karl!”

“I’ll be gentle, I promise.”

“Gentle. Right.”

Karl reached for one of his hands and held it until Anders’ gaze shifted to meet his. “Anders. If you would rather I not…”

“It’s not that I’m uncomfortable with you flirting with someone else,” Anders said seriously, sitting back up again as he crossed his legs underneath him. “It’s more that Hayden is… I don’t know. Innocent?”

Karl snorted. “You haven’t been to cards in a while, have you? No, I think not… well, you haven’t heard the raunchy ribaldry that they come up with when Isabela starts singing tavern songs then. I think they are less innocent than they appear, Anders. Naive, perhaps. Idealistic. But definitely not innocent.”

“I just remember when you first started flirting with me after you got tired of my baiting you.”

“Oh. Well, if that’s what you’re afraid of, I’m sure they’ll be fine as long as you don’t go letting any rumors about my “monster dong” run about loose in Darktown. I merely want to see if they’re attracted to me and if they’re bold enough to flirt back.”

A chuckle rumbled its way out of Anders’ chest.

“Ah, yes. I remember those rumors. No, those are definitely going to stay in my head where they belong. So… I suppose it’s fine. And perhaps I should join you for cards later. You might have to talk Justice into letting me go.”

Karl winked at him and squeezed his hand gently.

“Consider it done,” he said.

So it was about a week later when Anders was busy working on his manifesto and Hayden was washing linens with Karl that he heard his lover call the younger healer “quite fetching in their new robes” that had Anders keenly listening for Hayden’s response.

“You’re quite fetching yourself, Karl,” Hayden chuckled with a nervous little lilt. “Anders is a very lucky man.” 

“He doesn’t have to be the only lucky one…”

“Karl!” Hayden cried, and Anders heard them slap Karl with one of the still wet linens. Anders couldn’t keep the smirk from his face. Served him right.

“You know, my mother warned me about men like you,” Hayden flirted back, and Anders heard Karl laugh, low and throaty and damn if that one didn’t go  _straight_  to Anders’ cock. That was Karl’s “sounds like sex” laugh.

“Your mother couldn’t have warned you about men like me, because there are no men like me.” Hayden coughed, and Anders would’ve given anything to see their face in that moment. “I… I suppose not,” Hayden replied quietly, almost shyly. Anders was willing to bet good coin on their blushing right about now, with just a little color to their cheeks like a fine dusting of sugar powder on the little Orlesian cakes that Karl so loved to make.

Anders thought that Karl might say more, try to press Hayden’s buttons a little, but instead there was silence.

He couldn’t help but glance back at the two of them and saw Hayden smiling to themselves a little, that flush in their cheeks just as fine as Anders had thought it would be. Anders caught Karl’s gaze and when the force mage noticed him looking he flashed him a sheepish smile.

Anders merely shook his head and went back to work.

Well. So Hayden was a little attracted to Karl, at least. They still thought that perhaps they should let Hayden and Fenris figure things out between them before approaching them about… something. A relationship? Anders barely knew what he was doing with Karl, and they’d been together for a long time.

However, time and circumstance were not on their side, and there was to be a long string of unfortunate events that would inevitably force a series of conversations that all of them had been avoiding.

It all started with an arrow.

A warning arrow, shot from above a cliff-face, by a man declaring that Hayden was in possession of stolen property. Fenris, or so Anders assumed. However, Justice’s voice burned within him and he let the spirit come to the fore as they shouted together, “Fenris is a free man!” And they shot off a fireball in the slaver’s direction, starting a fight that ended with Fenris holding a half dead mage in his gauntleted fists against the blood spattered sand.

There was an interrogation, and Hayden glanced at Anders when a name was mentioned. Hadriana. And Fenris seemed to know who this person was.

“Has he mentioned that name to you?” Anders asked in a low voice. Hayden shook their head, wincing when Fenris crushed the heart of the slaver mage after he’d gotten the location of this Hadriana out of him. 

“No. He talked about how he came to leave Danarius, but he’s never mentioned a Hadriana before…”

“I was a fool to think I was free!” Fenris swore, and Varric, who was also with them, got their attention before Fenris turned around, still fuming. “They’ll never let me be!” 

“Who is this Hadriana?” Hayden asked, as thought they weren’t certain they wanted to know, but there was definite worry in their eyes. Hadriana was Danarius’ apprentice, and once Fenris said that, Hayden’s mind was made up. 

“So we go after her. Show us these pens so we can catch her before she runs.”

They found the slaver pens, and had to slog through wave after wave of demons until they rescued the poor elf girl, Orana. Hayden tried to do the right thing and offer her a job in their estate, but Fenris was so riled up that he accused Hayden of wanting to become a magister before they were able to explain themselves clearly.

Anders wanted to hit him. Yell at him. But he could hear Karl’s voice in his head cautioning him to see past the elf’s anger and find the root of it.

He wished he were better at such things, but with Justice still swirling so close to the surface, he was finding it difficult to see past whatever walls Fenris had built up around him in his anger. He wished he were better at calming people down. Karl was good at that.

“What do you want, mage?” Fenris snapped, drawing Anders from his reverie. 

Had he been staring? And where was Hayden? Scouting ahead?

“I… I want to help you.” Damn. Why did those words have to be the first things out of his mouth? Stupid,  _stupid_. And of course, he kept going. “I know I’m shit at this, but please don’t take this out on Hayden. Um… shit. What the hell would Karl say? Damnit…”

Fenris stared at him, and his expression morphed from one of anger and frustration to… fear? Yes. Fear. Fear and regret.

“I don’t know how else to react, Anders. I… I’m…”

“I wish I could tell you it’s going to be alright,” Anders whispered, “but that’s probably a lie, so I won’t. But I still want to.”

“And I wish I could believe you.”

They were so close; Anders could see tiny flecks of yellow in the green of Fenris’ eyes. He noticed that Fenris’ eyebrows were black, and not the same white as the hair on his head. There were bits of dried blood splattered everywhere: on his armor and his skin, in his hair. There wasn’t any on his lips though, and Anders thought that if he angled his head  _just so._..

“Blondie! Broody! We think we got her cornered!”

The two of them broke apart as their heads snapped around to see Varric waving at them from the doorway, but they shared a lingering look that made Anders wonder if Fenris didn’t hold some form of feelings for him too. Anders certainly couldn’t deny it any longer.

They slogged through more demons, more slavers. When they came to the apprentice herself, the fight was not as difficult as getting there had been, and the woman herself was not terribly remarkable.

Fenris’ fury, on the other hand… he had a clawed gauntlet in her chest before she could even say a word, and though she tried getting him to spare her life by telling him about the potential existence of a sister, Varania, her death was quick. Anders almost wished it could have been drawn out a little more, that Fenris had inflicted a little more pain… and he wasn’t entirely sure if that desire was his, Justice’s, or both.

“Do you… do you want to talk about this?” Hayden tried to ask, but Anders saw what Hayden could not: Fenris had just killed one of his tormentors and that… that did things to a person. Anders wasn’t sure what it was doing to Fenris, but calming down was the last thing on his mind as he rounded on Hayden and shouted, “No, I don’t want to talk about it!”

Hayden stiffened and their eyes widened as they backed up in fear. Anders rushed to support them before they tripped and hurt themselves.

Fenris ranted about how this entire set-up could be a trap (which was entirely possible–the Templars had set similar traps for Anders in the past), and that even if this sister was real then Danarius had to know that Hadriana knew of her, and therefore would still be suicide to try and find her!

Hayden stepped away from Anders and tried to approach Fenris again, with more confidence this time. “Fenris, surely that cannot be all–”

“All that matters is that I got to crush that bitch’s heart!” Fenris snapped. “May she  _rot_  and all the other mages with her.” 

No. He didn’t just say that in front of–

“Then… maybe we should leave,” Hayden tried a third time. There was something off about their voice; a kind of coolness was present in it that Anders had never heard before, and yet Hayden’s expression was still one of concern even as they reached out with trembling fingers to try and touch Fenris’ shoulder. “Hayden, wait–” Anders tried to stop them, but it was too late.

Fenris threw off Hayden’s touch with a snarl and hissed.

“No! I don’t want you comforting me…”

Anders saw first the fear return to Fenris’ eyes, only for that fear to disappear behind his wall of fury. Then Hayden’s face, wracked with grief and frustration. There was something else there too: determination. Hayden seemed to see something in Fenris that Anders couldn’t, and Anders had to trust that they knew the right things to say.

Because Maker knew that Anders didn’t.

“Fenris, please,” Hayden insisted, as calmly as they possibly could, but Fenris still refused to see whatever reason Hayden kept trying to call him back to.

“You saw what was done here!” Fenris shouted, gesturing to the bodies of dead slavers and abominations and demon husks. “There’s always going to be some reason, some excuse why mages need to do this!”

“Damnit, Fenris!” Hayden shouted back at him, finally through with remaining patient. There were tears in their eyes and a flame of anger behind them as they advanced on the elf. “Did you forget what I am?” And suddenly Fenris’ face paled and he retreated, though his anger still simmered as glowing brand does when taken away from the flame.

“Hayden…” Fenris pleaded, voice cracking a little as he appeared to try to apologize with their name alone. “Even… even if I found my sister, who knows what the magisters have done to her. What… what has magic touched that it does not spoil?”

Anders’ heart felt like it had dropped through his stomach and the floor, taking his stomach along with it. 

Hayden’s eyes still glistened with unshed tears, but they refused to let them fall while they waited for Fenris to realize the gravity of the question he’d just asked. Yet, when it finally happened, Fenris seemed unable to handle the damage he’d done, and he could only just manage to quickly mutter, “I… I need to go,” before running off through the slaver pens and out into the night.

Hayden buried their hands into their hair and leaned against a nearby wall, sliding down until they were sitting on the floor amongst the slaver corpses and demon husks. Blood was splattered all over their robes, and their hair tie had fallen out somewhere, causing their hair to spill across their shoulders and in front of their face. Anders knelt next to them and touched their knee gently.

“Hayden?”

He wasn’t going to ask if they were alright. He knew they weren’t.

Hayden sighed deeply and looked up to meet Anders’ eyes.

“I… should go after him, shouldn’t I?” Anders blinked owlishly at Hayden. “Um… probably, yes.” He frowned, finding the question somewhat perplexing. “But why… why are you asking me? You’re the one who knows him better than all of us.” Hayden shook their head and huffed out another sigh, smiling sadly.

“But you and Karl live with him, don’t you?”

Karl. Karl would know what to do. 

“Karl has this… connection with Fenris. He might know what to do.”

“Then I’ll go see if I can find him,” Hayden told him, getting up from the floor with Anders’ help. “You find Karl and if Fenris comes back to his mansion before I find him… please, tell him I’m worried about him. I want to help him.”

Which was funny, Anders thought, since they’d said the same thing to Fenris only moments prior to this disaster.

* * *

Fenris’ words has hurt Hayden, and had hurt them deeply.

But Hayden knew a little about why Fenris spoke and acted the way he did from talking with Fenris himself; his was definitely not a life of sunshine and roses. That was why they were so adamant about having Fenris talk about the fact that he’d just killed his former master’s apprentice instead of running off and trying to deal with the fallout on his own…

Not that _that_  had turned out well, exactly, but Hayden was determined to find him and make sure he was alright before the night was through.

It proved strangely harder than they had originally thought to find a single elf in all of Kirkwall. Even Fenris’ extremely unique description brought up nothing until they reached the Hightown market stalls which were almost finishing packing up for the day.

An apple seller Hayden knew that Fenris frequented told them that the elf had been headed to the “old Amell estate”. Their estate. They felt almost stupid, thinking that Fenris would go anywhere else, but in the back of their mind they figured that perhaps they didn’t know Fenris as well as they thought they did.

And that stung a little, though the fact that Fenris had headed to the estate…

Perhaps they  _could_  help Fenris after all.

Fenris was waiting in the entrance hall when they arrived: head down, hands hanging loose between his knees, his feet flat against the floor but for the twitching of his toes. He started a bit when the door opened, and he was on his feet almost immediately as Hayden set their staff aside to greet him properly.

“I…” Fenris began slowly, still staring at the floor and wringing his hands. His… hands? Yes, Hayden noted, Fenris’ gauntlets had been removed and were sitting on the bench Fenris had been previously occupying. “I’ve been thinking about what happened with Hadriana…” Fenris glanced up, and his shoulders tightened as though it were a struggle to meet their eyes.

“I took out my anger on you,” he confessed, ears slightly lowered and quivering. “Undeservedly so. I was… not myself. I’m sorry.”

Hayden sighed and was about to reach out to touch the elf when they remembered Anders’ warning when they had tried to comfort him in the slaver pens. They pulled their hand back at the last second and felt strangely awkward; not knowing what to do with their hands.

“I had no idea where you went,” Hayden finally muttered, thoroughly frustrated with themselves. “I was concerned.” They met Fenris’ eyes and their shoulders lowered with weary exhaustion. 

“Can we sit? I feel like we should be having this conversation sitting…” They looked around. “Or… at least in private.”

Fenris looked away again.

“I find that I cannot sit still, I’m afraid. I was pacing shortly before you arrived. And I apologize for worrying you, but I needed to be alone.”

Hayden nodded slowly. “I wish I could say that I understand, but I am beginning to feel as though I don’t understand you as well as I thought I did. After all while I am flattered to find you here, waiting for my return, I spent a good amount of time looking for you elsewhere…”

Fenris ran a hand through his hair, which Hayden now noticed was still streaked with flecks of blood.

“Perhaps you might understand if I told you that as a slave, Hadriana was a  _torment_. She would ridicule me, deny my meals, hound my sleep–”

“Fenris,” Hayden sighed, “I appreciate you telling me these things, but I have not lived the life that you have. I cannot–” Fenris turned around and held up a hand. His face was pulled back in a snarl, but there was a deep pain in the elf’s eyes that made Hayden’s heart ache. “Because of her status, I was powerless to respond, and she  _knew_  it. The thought of her slipping out of my grasp now? I… I couldn’t let her go.”

Suddenly, understanding dawned upon Hayden.

“It… has been years since your escape. You… were able to claim your freedom and establish a life here, but… because the people who hurt you still lived, that hatred stayed with you.” Hayden lip quivered, and they tugged idly at some of their hair that had fallen over their shoulders. 

“Well… holding a grudge isn’t a crime, Fenris,” they said soothingly. “It’s… it’s certainly not the most healthy of practices, but no one is going to judge you for that, you know?”

“I know!” Fenris hissed, backing away a little as he shook his head in what Hayden could only assume was an attempt to rid himself of some dark or disturbing thought. “I just… I thought I’d gotten rid of this hate inside me…” His hands curled in on himself, fingers prying at his armor like he could cast off his hatred by removing it, or perhaps they were trying to get at his own heart as though it were possible to dig out his hatred as one might a peach pit.

Eventually, he gave up and wrapped his arms around himself and sniffed wetly as he stared at the floor.

“…but it dogs me no matter where I go.”

Hayden walked forward a few steps until they stood but a hair’s breadth apart, Fenris looking up at Hayden with eyes full of unshed tears.

“To feel it again,” Hayden breathed, “knowing that it was they who planted that hatred inside of you… it was too much to bear, wasn’t it?” They let out a long exhale, causing several strands of Fenris’ bangs to flutter away from his face. “I feel terrible that this is eating away at you. I wish I could… that I could offer you more than my friendship, Fenris.”

Fenris blinked owlishly at Hayden and stepped back a little. Hayden noticed that the tips of the elf’s ears were flushed and his cheeks flooded with extra color to them as his breath hitched.

“I… I did not come to burden you,” he insisted.

Hayden shook their head forcefully. “Are you a burden to Anders and Karl? I doubt it that they think so.” They rubbed at their face before taking a breath and fixing Fenris with a serious yet tender stare. “The three of you are all that I think about, and often I can think of little else. It is hard enough sometimes to deal with just being the way I am, but then I find comfort in the support of the people I care for the most. If you can, please let me be one of those people for you, Fenris. Yet, if you cannot, you must tell me to cease pursuing you and I shall.”

Fenris was quiet for a long few breaths before he glanced up to meet their eyes.

“Anders… and Karl? They care for me?”

Hayden chuffed. “You let them into your bed did you not? Some part of you cares for them enough to trust them to let them so close. That may or may not even take into account the rapport that you’ve shared with Karl ever since Anders and I came back from the expedition, and Anders’ first thought after you left was that Karl might know what to do to help you. They care, I promise you.”

“And… so do you?”

“I want to,” Hayden whispered, moving in close again. “But only with your consent. Command me to go and I shall, Fenris.”

Fenris frowned. “I doubt that I could command you to do anything, regardless of what I  _wanted_..”

“Fenris,” Hayden stressed. “Please. May I hold you, if only for a moment?”

Something shifted in Fenris face and he nodded, the movement so slight that Hayden almost missed it. But they did not, and they took the elf into their arms, armor and all, and held them tightly against their chest, the fingers of one hand threading into silky white hair while the other was wrapped around the elf’s waist, holding him tight yet not so tight as to be oppressive.

Fenris practically melted against Hayden after a heartbeat of tension. A low purr stuttered to life from somewhere in the elf’s throat, and the two of them just stood there for what felt like an eternity before Hayden cleared their throat as quietly as they could to get Fenris’ attention.

“Would you like to go home now?” they asked, and Fenris sighed deeply. 

“I… find that I do not, but the hour is late. And if Anders and Karl care for me as much as you say, they will be worried. Yet I strangely do not wish to be parted from you.”

Hayden chuckled softly. “I could tell my mother that I won’t be home tonight, and perhaps I could join the three of you for an evening?”

Fenris seemed to perk up a little at that. “You… would you really?”

“Just to sleep, mind,” Hayden said, yawning. “All that running about today… really tired me out. I ache everywhere.”

Fenris hummed noncommittally. “Anders is… very good with his hands. He could help you with that, if you wished, and I would very much like you to… to stay for the night if that is what you mean.”

Hayden smiled at him, and asked him to wait a few moments more before they informed Leandra that they wouldn’t be coming back until morning before they left with Fenris for the mansion he occupied with Anders and Karl.

Upon arriving, the two other mages had been deep in conversation but were surprised when the door opened and Fenris walked into the room with Hayden trailing not far behind. Karl stood first and eyed them, looking to Fenris and then to Hayden. He cleared his throat.

“Anders told me what happened,” he said in a low, soothing tone. “Or at least everything that happened that he knows about.” He walked over to Fenris and offered a hand to the elf. “Come sit? There’s stew. I know you’re probably tired, but you should eat before we go to bed.”

“Hayden is staying the night,” Fenris mumbled, the words tumbling out of his mouth in a rush. A single grey eyebrow rose as he glanced in Hayden’s direction, and Hayden nodded in answer to the unspoken question.

“Yes, my mother knows I won’t be home this evening. No, she doesn’t know that I am here.” Their lips quirked up in a wry smile and they added, “And she doesn’t need to know. Besides, she might have a fit if she did, and I have to think of her health after all.”

Anders chuffed. “You’re such a good child, worrying about their mother.”

A chuckle rumbled its way out of Hayden’s chest. “Right. Worry. Yes, let’s go with that, shall we? I’m totally not here because I want to spend a night with the three people I care about, nope.”

Karl merely sighed and shook his head as Fenris took his hand gingerly and they all sat down on the rug in front of the fire. 

Hayden had sat down next to Fenris and Karl, and Anders sat next to them. The room was quiet for a long time but for the sounds of stew slurping and spoons clinking against the bottom of bowls as the fire crackled. Hayden felt strangely warm, but it wasn’t from the heat of the flames. Rather, their heart felt full and heavy with a feeling they could not name, but it was not an uncomfortable feeling. Actually, it felt as though they had finally come home for the first time since fleeing Lothering from the Blight.

From that night forward, things were different. There were things that tried to tear them apart, like Ser Alirk’s “Tranquil Solution” where Anders almost killed a mage girl, Fenris’ own memories resurfacing and disappearing after the first time he and Hayden had sex, and... the horrific death of Hayden’s mother. All of these happened even before the Arishok decided that they’d been in Kirkwall for long enough and attempted to raze the city to the ground...

...resulting in Hayden becoming Champion. 

Suddenly, everyone wanted them, wanted their love, their time, their attention... but Hayden only had eyes for Anders, Fenris, and Karl. These three had brought warmth into their heart in a place where they had only expected coldness... and they made them feel like they had a home again in the face or all they had lost.

And that made all the difference.


	3. Day 3: A Trip to the Black Emporium

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today’s drabble is a what-if Soulmate AU based on [this prompt](http://tearsofwinter.tumblr.com/post/144374138936/i-have-been-thinking-about-this-kinkmeme-prompt), but with Fenhanders instead of just Fenders. Not quite canon divergence, but something different all the same. 
> 
> Tags and warnings for this chapter include: Soulmate AU, Double Penetration, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Kink Negotiation, Accidental Bonding.
> 
>  **Question of the Day:**  
>  What would Carver and/or Bethany say if they had to live in the same house as these 3 idiots in love? 
> 
> _Bethany thinks that they’re really cute, and sometimes she wonders what Hayden gets up to with the two of them that causes them to be so vocal she can hear them from the library. She’s glad that Hayden and Fenris have softened Anders’ opinion of Sebastian, the disgraced former Prince of Starkhaven whom she has been steadily growing closer and closer with since her mother’s death. But mostly she’s glad that Hayden has someone to grow closer with themselves, for she knows that someday she will likely leave the estate for one reason or another, and they will need that support when she does._
> 
> _Carver is annoyed. Embarrassed. Frustrated. A part of him wants to tell them to tone it down when they have sex, but another part of him can’t even form the thoughts in his head when he is able to sit down with the three of them to have a proper dinner. (He thinks that both Anders and Fenris know how he feels about hearing his sibling being so vocal when they’re pleasuring them, and he wonders if they’ve made a game out of how loud they can get Hayden to be.) But there is also that part of him that is glad that Hayden has two people who love them and respect them for who they are. He only wishes that he could finally work up the courage to tell Merrill how he feels so that he can get out of there and leave them to be as loud as they like in peace._

Fenris is curled up on his bed when Hayden arrives, dragging Anders into the room behind them. Hayden had been loathe to leave them alone before, but the pain of being so far away from Anders was just too great for the both of them.

The elf hissed when he saw the other mage, but despite the derision in his eyes, the tension in his shoulders had decreased and the sparks flying off of him in waves merely lessened to a few pops and cracks. The wind that had been circling about the room died down to a gentle breeze, but Fenris was still agitated, and even though their newly formed bond appeared to give the warrior some magical ability, it did not give him the control that Hayden and Anders had spent years cultivating.

“You brought him  _back_ ,” Fenris grumbled, trying to curl into himself even more while still scrambling to get away. “Why did you bring him back?”

Hayden sighed, and behind them, Anders shifted uneasily.

“Fenris, look–”

“Wait, Anders,” Hayden hushed him gently. “Perhaps I should explain? Why don’t you sit by the fire? It’s been getting colder out and I know you don’t have much in the way of heating in Darktown.”

Anders grumbled, but did as Hayden had suggested and folded his tall frame into one of the armchairs that had been drug in front of the fire.

Once Hayden was certain that Anders was going to remain there, they climbed onto the bed and settled as near to Fenris as they felt the elf was comfortable with, doing their best to remain calm through the whirlwind of thoughts that now ran through their mind, unfiltered.

“Fenris, can I touch?” They asked a small, quiet voice. Fenris huffed, but unfolded themselves just a little before replying. 

“ _Touching_  was what did this to us in the first place,” Fenris spat softly, though Hayden knew the vitriol was not aimed at them. The elf was still glaring daggers at the other mage. “ _Maker-touched_. I don’t even believe in the Maker and yet now I’m saddled with, with… this!”

He held out his arms, and flames danced softly along the undersides of his forearms, his brands flashing every so often as the magic pulsed. Eventually the flames disappeared, but the pulsing remained.

“So… no touching then?” Hayden tried to ask with a touch of half-hearted lightness, then sighed when Fenris pulled his arms back as Hayden tried to reach for him again. “I… I’m sorry this is making you uncomfortable, Fenris, but we have to help you get this under control before we figure out anything else.” Hayden did their best to keep their voice level despite the nervousness and fear that churned in their guts. These feelings weren’t theirs, they were certain of it, but they weren’t certain whether or not the feelings were coming from Anders, Fenris, or perhaps both.

After a while, Fenris seemed to relent, and when Anders shifted in his seat to watch, Hayden couldn’t help the scowl that twisted their features when Fenris tensed again like an angry alley cat.

“Fenris,” they sighed, frustrated, running a hand through their long dark hair. “You can’t keep this up anymore, you know. What’s done is done. The three of us are bonded for life and there’s nothing we can do to change that.” Another sigh left them, this one softer and deeper than the last. Hayden was at last able to grasp one of Fenris’ hands, very gingerly gripping it as they spoke.

“Can you feel your connection to the Fade? It has always felt like a second heart beating in my chest, pouring mana into me with every breath. Does it feel like that for you?”

Fenris didn’t answer, so Hayden squeezed his hand just a little to get Fenris to look up. “I know you’d rather not be feeling this to begin with, but I need you to work with me… just a little?” A soft sigh passed Fenris’ lips as they breathed deeply, in and out. In and out.

“To me,” Fenris began in a low, gravely voice, “it is not quite like a second heart. Rather, I feel as though I am on the Wounded Coast, bombarded by waves as the tide is rising…” His face twisted a little, as though he were in pain. “I ache all over. This pain feels different than the pain of the markings.” He winced, and Hayden glanced up at Anders, who’d tensed where he sat in the armchair.

“It might be reacting to the lyrium,” Anders muttered, a hint of concern lacing his voice through the dry bitter tone that he usually reserved for the elf. “But I would have to touch you to find out if that’s the case. It’s not a spell Hayden knows yet, nor is it something you can learn overnight.”

There was also a great deal of hurt underneath everything else, Hayden thought. Feelings of abandonment coursed through the freshly formed bond like a river, drowning out some of the nervousness and fear.

Fenris’ face pinched a little as he looked up at the other mage; who looked so small, curled up in the chair that was only just big enough for him to fit.

“Do what you must, then,” Fenris sighed wearily, and Anders was at the elf’s side almost immediately, perched gingerly on the edge of the bed. Hayden watched as the other healer’s hands glowed with a soft, white light, but without context or an inkling or what Anders was doing, there was little knowledge that they could glean merely from watching.

Anders sat back after what felt like an eternity of examination.

“Well?” Fenris prompted, and Anders looked over to meet the elf’s gaze. “You should be fine, after a while, if you continue to remain calm and do not allow yourself to be overstimulated. Staying close to Hayden and I should lessen the intensity and the amount of time this pain persists.”

Anders sighed and closed his eyes briefly before opening them again.

“The lack of control might pass in time as well, but if it does not, you  _might_  have to learn, Fenris. The bond does not pass all of our skills and traits to one another, only some of them. And… we are going to have to find a way to get along, you and I. At least for Hayden’s sake, if not our own. Improving our relationship will allow us to be apart at greater distances for longer, but for now this close proximity is what we have to work with.”

Fenris’ ears twitched as he tried to curl away from Anders, but Hayden gently squeezed his hand again and the elf went still, looking up at them.

“We should decide on sleeping arrangements,” Hayden said evenly. “Perhaps staying here for the night would be best?” Fenris glanced around the room and grumbled. “I… would prefer that. But I won’t keep you from your own bed if that’s what you prefer.”

Hayden shook their head. “No, you’re the one who’s been affected the most by this. If this is where you’re the most comfortable sleeping, then this is where we’ll be, right?” They looked up at Anders, who nodded. “It’s… certainly a step up from my cot in the clinic.” Anders face went very still and he suddenly gasped, “The clinic!” at which Hayden held up a finger.

“One day at a time, Anders. Alright?”

Anders let out a long breath, shoulders dropping as he deflated. “I… yes. Right.”

The other mage got up and went to the other side of the bed and began to take off his coat and boots, which Fenris scowled at but quickly stopped when he saw Hayden glancing at him in what they hoped was a very tired, exasperated fashion.

“Do you want your boots off too, Hayden?” Anders asked idly.

“Hmm? Oh, yes. Thank you, Anders.” They turned around to let Anders tug off their own boots before they shifted back to face Fenris. “Surely, you’re not going to sleep in your armor,” they joked, offering a slight smile. “Would you like some help removing it?”

Fenris sighed and looked very uncomfortable at the thought, though that might’ve been because their skin still cracked and popped on occasion though the current of air in the room had finally died down. Hayden helped Fenris out of his armor without a word as Anders burrowed under the sheets, and eventually Hayden and Fenris joined him once Fenris was clothed in only his tunic and leggings.

It took a long time for sleep to come to each of them, but eventually Hayden was lulled by the proximity of their bond-mates and the soft sounds of their measured breathing as –finally– the rushing torrent of thoughts in their head slowed to a leisurely crawl. 

This respite of mental silence was what finally allowed them to slip deep into the Fade. Anders and Fenris followed not long after, but in the backs of each of their minds was a single, lingering thought… what would tomorrow bring?

* * *

Fenris awoke the next morning in a bleary haze with aching pain and relaxed contentment warring in his mind for attention. 

He blinked, frowning as slow awareness of his surroundings began to filter into his vision, eventually clearing until he found himself face to face with the image of a deeply sleeping Hayden. 

Their head was resting on one arm while the other was curled protectively against their chest, their long, dark hair spilling over their shoulders. Their mouth was very slightly open as they breathed, but only their nose whistled softly when they exhaled.

“Good morning,” whispered a voice that was most certainly not Hayden’s, causing Fenris to jerk a little as they looked up.

Anders shushed him as he caught sight of the man, leaning very serenely against the headboard with his eyes closed, breathing slowly and sitting more still than he could ever remember the mage being.

“Hayden’s still asleep,” he continued in that same whisper before finally turning his head to glance in Fenris’ direction. Fenris grunted softly. “So I noticed, mage,” he grumbled, to which Anders chuckled. “Hayden is a mage too, if you haven’t forgotten.”

Fenris sighed and laid back down on the bed.

“How did this happen?” Fenris asked, not really expecting an answer, but of course he got one anyway.

“We touched each other,  _obviously_ ,” Anders replied, with gentle emphasis. Fenris huffed. “That is not what I mean, Anders.” Anders shrugged. “I don’t know how or why this happened. Though, I do wonder why it hasn’t happened before now,” he grumbled. Fenris turned his head to see Anders, staring at the wall opposite him and brows knit in confusion.

“Hayden and I have definitely shaken hands, shared tents, brushed arms during cards… and even though you don’t often let me touch you, we  _have_  touched before.” Fenris grunted again in response. “We hadn’t all touched each other at once like that. Perhaps that is why.”

Anders hummed noncommittally.

“Perhaps. I’ve never heard of three people at once being… bonded like this, but evidently it’s possible.” Anders turned his head to meet Fenris’ gaze, and he was surprised to find genuine concern lurking in the amber depths.

“How is your pain this morning? Not as bad as last night?”

Fenris pulled himself into a sitting position and groaned, electricity skittering across the brands in tiny arcing sparks. He winced as the power ran through him, but it didn’t feel as overwhelming as it had last night.

“It still aches,” he answered, drawing his legs closer as he leaned against the headboard, panting. Anders gave a soft exhale and Fenris could hear the sheets crinkling as he shifted into another position. Anders hummed in what sounded like frustration, and Fenris chose to open his eyes so that he could look over at the healer. 

Anders was sitting on his haunches, running a hand through his hair. It had come loose from its tie and now cascaded around his face in soft, golden waves that almost made Fenris’ breath catch in his throat.

“You know,” Anders sighed as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, “there is something I might be able to do if you, um. If you wouldn’t mind letting us… cuddle.” Anders looked up and met Fenris’ eyes reluctantly, and Fenris was about to refuse when another pulse of magic set his markings alight again and the heavy ache in his muscles began to border on the edge of painful.

“I… fine,” Fenris whispered, his voice trembling so much it sounded like a whimper. “Do what you need to do… Anders.”

Anders carefully slipped off the bed so that they wouldn’t wake Hayden, and Fenris shifted over as much as he could so that Anders could crawl back onto the bed and fit his long frame next to Fenris’. Thankfully, while Anders was broad shouldered for a mage, he was ridiculously thin, and Anders was able to pull Fenris into his arms with little trouble.

Fenris tensed a little at being so close to Anders, and he huffed as his head was gently maneuvered to rest against the mage’s chest.

“Is this supposed to achieve something?” He grumbled quietly. “I don’t see how my pain is supposed to lessen from… from…” Fenris gasped softly as a gentle wave of healing magic trickled through him, at first pulsing slightly off sync from the energy his own body was generating, but eventually it grew to match the frequency and intensity of the pulses until Fenris was  _almost_  pain-free. 

He sighed contentedly against Anders, though he was still quite shocked that whatever Anders was doing was actually  _working_.

“What is that?” Fenris breathed, almost in awe of the lack of pain in his limbs. They had mostly grown lax and lethargic as he lay in Anders’ arms, and Anders’ chest rumbled as he chuckled at Fenris’ question.

“All spirit healers have a unique gift called…  _Panacea_.”

“A healing aura,” Fenris whispered, and Anders huffed in what sounded like amazement. “How did… oh. It’s Tevene, right?” Fenris nodded. “I’ve heard that particular word used before, but not often. Healers in Tevinter are usually… not highly regarded.”

Anders grumbled, but did not comment on Fenris’ revelation.

“Well,” he continued, sounding a bit disgruntled, “that’s what I’m using to ease the pain of your markings and the ache caused by your body adjusting to suddenly having the ability to use magic. I can’t keep it up forever though, because your body needs to adjust on its own.” He sighed, and Fenris felt a soft pressure press against the part of his hair.

“Did you just… kiss me?” he asked breathlessly, and Anders’ immediate response was to tense up slightly as he stammered, “Um… uh. Yes? I’m, I’m sorry.” Then the mage let out a soft sigh as Fenris felt Anders’ chin rest against that same spot, the mage’ arms tightening just a hair around Fenris’ body. 

Strangely, this made him feel more content, not less.

“I’m sorry you’re in so much pain,” Anders whispered, voice thick with a deep, aching remorse. “I’m sorry that I’m the cause. I know we don’t get along, but I have never wanted to see you hurt.” Fenris grunted dismissively, a part of him desperately wanting to ease the ache in Anders’ heart the way Anders had eased the ache in his body.

“You aren’t the cause,” he grumbled. “This is not your fault. If anything, it’s that stupid dragon’s fault for knocking us together like that.”

Anders chuckled, and the strange ache in his chest slowly lifting as Anders’ shuddering breaths evened out again. Fenris hadn’t even known that feeling didn’t belong to him until it had disappeared. “I still feel terrible that I can’t just give you a potion and make this all go away,” Anders lamented. “Being tied to not one, but two mages? Surely this is a nightmare to you.”

Fenris shifted, and Anders gasped as he suddenly found himself lying underneath the elf, their faces suddenly  _very_  close to one another.

“I do not know yet if I would call it as such,” Fenris told him seriously. “I might have reacted that way initially, but we have not even been bonded for a day and neither of you have touched me without my consent or used me in the ways that Danarius did. You in particular have been… more patient with me than you needed to be.”

Anders made a face. “Anything else would have been wrong–”

“And that is why I do not see our current predicament as a nightmare. I do feel a little trapped, and afraid… but perhaps that is because half of me would rather be alone while the other half is terrified of losing whatever this is.” He winced, as another ache rippled down his spine, but when Anders lifted a hand to ease the pain, Fenris shook his head.

“No. You said that my body needed to get used to this, yes?”

Anders frowned. “I did, but if it becomes too much,  _please_ , tell me.”

“I shall,” Fenris promised, and they lay like that in silence for a little while until Anders blurted, very quietly, “Fenris? May I kiss you?”

Fenris blinked. “W–What?”

“Properly, this time. On the lips?”

Fenris felt his face heat up and his mind went completely blank. Anders wanted to give him… a kiss? He breathed in and out very slowly so his heart rate wouldn’t start racing again as he licked his lips reflexively.

“Danarius… he never kissed me. Not once.” His voice was barely above a whisper, but Anders still managed to catch what he had said.

“Then perhaps it will serve as another reminder that I am not Danarius,” Anders offered, which suddenly struck Fenris as… a reasonable excuse to take the mage up on his offer. “If… If I don’t like it…”

“Then we won’t do it again unless you decide you want to kiss me back,” Anders said seriously and without hesitation. Something about that helped slow the pace of Fenris’ frantic heart, and he moved just a little closer to the other man. “Alright, so… how do… how do we do this?”

Anders chuckled and gently threaded his fingers into the hair at the base of Fenris’ neck while another hand rested lightly against the small of his back.

“Just close your eyes and relax,” he whispered, and Fenris complied. 

“I’m leaning you forward just a bit, alright?” He heard Anders whisper again, and he added, “Try to breathe with your nose, not your mouth.” Fenris felt breath ghosting his lips, and he licked them again in anticipation. 

“Get on with it, Anders,” he growled softly, and he heard Anders chuckle.

“Alright then,” Anders hummed in amusement. “I just didn’t want to surprise you is all.” 

Fenris was about to reply with a quick retort, but then there was a soft pressure against his lips and a nose pressing against his cheek, causing his eyes to fly open reflexively. 

Anders’ eyes were half-lidded, staring at him from beneath his lashes, and strings of blonde were falling in front of them as the pressure against Fenris’ lips shifted and something wet licked them slowly, as though savoring the taste. Fenris gasped, and the kiss shifted into a open-mouthed affair as Anders’ tongue slowly entered the space that he’d provided, but Anders did not rush his explorations and instead allowed Fenris ample opportunities to pull away.

He found the experience too captivating to do so because Anders’ eyes had him so spellbound, and suddenly he found himself moaning when the soft slide of the hand and his back and the heat of the kiss combined to ignite a warmth in his belly that had him whimpering when Anders pulled away.

The two men stared at each other, breathless, before Fenris leaned forward to try a kiss himself, though the angle was off for a moment before Anders helped correct it. This kiss was softer, less intense, and Fenris never wanted it to end…

Beside them, a throat cleared, and they both pulled away to see Hayden staring at them with a surprised expression.

“I have to admit,” they said after a heartbeat of awkward silence, “this… was not what I was expecting to wake up to this morning.” They chuckled sheepishly, glancing between the two of them and added, “Not that I’m complaining mind, but last night…”

Fenris slid off of Anders, and the two of them shifted into cross-legged sitting positions. He sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair, mussing it up even more than it probably already was.

“I know. I said some things… out of fear. Anders and I have already discussed this while you still slept. We didn’t wish to wake you.”

Hayden nodded slowly. “I see. And your… your magic? Or whatever it is?”

Fenris looked at his hands and felt strangely aware of the rush of power that lay just beneath, making his muscles spasm with pain every so often. 

“It does still disturb me, yes. Like an invasion of my very self, I feel violated in a way I cannot begin to describe.” He held up a hand to Anders, who had begun to shift uneasily, and Fenris let out a deep sigh. “But this magic doesn’t actually seem to be a thing that I can control, exactly.” He frowned at his hands again.

“So you’re still you, but you can feel  _our_  magic? What was with the wind and flames? The electricity?”

Anders tilted his head thoughtfully.

“We were all emotionally overwhelmed after the initial bonding, and while I hear that  _some_  skill sharing can happen before a bond is cemented, that’s actually something that doesn’t start to develop until after.”

“After what?” Hayden asked.

“After we have sex,” Anders stated bluntly. “Well,  _if_  we choose to have sex. That’s why these bonds encourage such close physical proximity.”

Hayden scowled at him, shifting into a sitting position and folding their arms across their chest. “If you knew this, then why did you bolt for your clinic the moment you had a chance to if you knew that it would be painful for us?”

Anders winced, and then let his shoulders droop. 

“I wasn’t thinking clearly, like Fenris was. I was afraid, and I wanted to be alone. I didn’t realize that what I was doing was the last thing I should’ve been doing until I was in the clinic and the pain set in. Being away from the two of you was just… absolutely awful. I felt like every lash I’d ever received was coming back to me all at once. No potions or any amount of magic helped. The only reason I was as lucid as I was when you arrived was because just being in your presence was soothing enough to stand.”

He glanced up at Fenris. “Again, I am sorry for the pain I caused you.”

Fenris felt his ears twitch as he shrugged. 

“I wanted the same thing. I still want it. But this is a permanent thing and I just have to… learn to deal with that.” Fenris sighed. “Perhaps someday I will see things differently, but right now it is all too new, too different.”

Anders nodded solemnly. “For now, we should just stay close to each other and try to improve our understanding of one another. If we try to help the bond instead of fighting it, we might be able to work something out.”

“Does that include when and how we have sex?” Hayden asked, causing both Anders and Fenris’ heads to swivel around. Anders stammered, “Um, well. I don’t think we need to,” –Anders glanced at Fenris very briefly– “I don’t think we have to think about that just yet, exactly…” 

Hayden fixed Anders with a hard stare. “You said the bond doesn’t properly cement without sex. I have heard at least half a dozen similar accounts. It will have to be talked about at some point.”

“Hayden,” Fenris cut in gently, reaching for one of their hands. It felt as warm and soft and grounding as it had last night. “Anders is merely trying to give me time to get used to the idea of being bonded before we do or think about anything else. I appreciate him taking the time to consider that.”

Hayden’s cheeks flushed and they ducked their head against their chest.

“Oh, sorry. I… I’m being an ass, aren’t I?”

“A little,” Anders agreed with a bit of a laugh behind his words. “But you do have a point. I’ve never heard of a bond like this that has gone un-cemented, and I don’t even know if it is safe to do so. For now, as I said, we should focus on getting to know each other better. We’ll have to go everywhere together for a while, and I don’t even know how long  _that_  will be, but we’ll figure it out.”

“Together,” Fenris added, and Anders nodded as Hayden looked up between the two of them. They nodded, and their shared agreement sent a flood of feeling through Fenris that stole his breath for a moment.

_Belonging._

* * *

Time passed, and after a fashion, the three of them were eventually able to stray further and further apart. Fenris’ “magic” turned out not to be actual magic just yet, though Anders could definitely tell that the bond had altered Fenris’ already unusual connection to the Fade in a way that they couldn’t yet discern the nature of. His pain did recede after a few days as Anders had predicted, though his dreams were now as vivid as any mage’s were.

They also discovered that sleeping apart was not a good idea after they had tested that they could be in three separate places in the city with little problem, but Anders had become wracked with pain after trying to sleep in his clinic without Hayden or Fenris, and when he staggered back into Fenris’ bedroom he found Hayden already there, shaking like a leaf.

“I’m sorry Hayden,” Anders remembered mumbling, but Hayden shook their head. “M-nah. ‘s my idea. My fault.”

“Not your fault,” Fenris grumbled. “Just come here. Come back to bed.”

So they did not sleep alone again from that point on.

“Why can’t we sleep apart?” Fenris asked Anders one morning after accompanying the mage to his clinic. Hayden had gone off to do some errands and said they would be back by lunchtime, but for the moment it was just the two of them. Anders shook his head and huffed a bit of air through his nose.

“It’s only been a couple of weeks, but the bond…”

“It really doesn’t cement until we have sex,” Fenris said quietly. Anders shrugged, fixing his attention back on the batch of elfroot potions he was brewing. “I… do you think we should have that conversation, then?” he asked the elf, only looking up after everything was thoroughly mixed. 

Fenris was staring of to the side, holding his arms close despite the armor he was wearing. 

“Fenris?”

“I don’t know. All I remember is… pain.”

Anders frowned, but could guess at what the elf might be referencing. 

“Well, we can’t have the entire conversation without Hayden, but… sex doesn’t have to be painful, Fenris. In fact, it’s supposed to feel good. I won’t say that for some people sex will ever feel good, but not all sex is penetrative and some things that make penetrative sex painful are things that can be treated with medicine or magic, or just with a little time, a good amount of patience, and a whole lot of lubrication.” 

Anders let out a quick breath and sat there for a while, a little stunned.

“That… was a lot of words,” Fenris said with a chuckle. Anders snorted. “I know. Must be a Hayden thing, because while I know I don’t ever shut up, usually I at least take a breath between sentences.”

Anders looked back at Fenris, and raised a curious eyebrow at him.

“Have you noticed anything different?” Fenris nodded, gesturing to the open book on the table. “I–I can read that. I couldn’t…before.” Fenris looked down at the floor again and continued, “I just woke up one morning and realized that I could read the label on the wine bottle I’d been drinking from the night prior.”

“Maker, Fenris. You couldn’t…?” Anders stood up from his chair and turned to face the elf, who was rolling his eyes wearily. “Don’t fuss, Anders. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“B–But,” Anders insisted, lip quivering, “it matters to  _me_.”

Fenris caught Anders’ gaze and saw something there that made him sigh again. “I… don’t have any words to say to that,” he said quietly, and Anders reached out to him, holding his hands gingerly above his arms. 

“May I touch?” he asked, and Fenris nodded, allowing the mage to bring him into a tight embrace, Anders being careful of the sharp points of Fenris’ armor.

“And a kiss?”

Fenris’ trepidation melted into an almost eagerness, and his lips quirked up into a half smile. “I don’t think I could say no to one of those if I tried.” Anders merely hummed a chuckle and bent to capture Fenris’ lips to pepper them with a few quick kisses before pulling away. 

“I know you don’t want to think about the fact that you couldn’t read. It’s actually more common than you think, however. A lot of the people here in Darktown can’t read either.”

“Really?” 

“Really,” Anders confirmed with a nod. “I also know that you dislike it when I fuss, but bond or no bond, I have grown fond of you these past couple of weeks. I am always going to fuss when I worry about the people I am fond of.”

Fenris’ ears flattened in disgruntlement, but he seemed to understand. 

Anders had yet to hear the elf say as much in return, but over those weeks since their bond had begun to form, he and Fenris had slowly learned to put aside their differences and share their pasts with each other and with Hayden. For Fenris, these things included his experiences as a slave (though there were still a few things that he found himself unable to share), his time with the Fog Warriors, and his betrayal of them at Danarius’ command followed by his escape and flight to freedom.

This reminded Anders much of how he had come to leave the Wardens, though that story didn’t come until after he’d detailed a bit about his life as a child, the day he’d burnt down his father’s barn and then taken to the Circle, each of his escapes from said Circle, and the Hero of Ferelden saving him, traveling with him, and then leaving him.

He talked about Karl. He talked about how Karl had been the only person he’d ever truly loved, yet had never gotten to tell him so. Hayden had burst into tears when he said this, and Anders could feel an ache in his chest that he was certain belonged to Fenris. He turned out to be right after he’d looked up from comforting Hayden, and the elf had had tears of his own brimming in his eyes.

Hayden had talked about always having to move. First, it was because his father had been a mage. Then it was doubly important when their own magic had manifested, so they moved again. Carver and Bethany were born, and later it was discovered that Bethany was a mage too and then there was more moving. Moving. Always moving… but free. Sort of. Lothering was the place they had been able to stay at for the longest amount of time… and then the Blight came. Took Hayden’s sister. Hayden’s home. 

Those weeks were filled with pain and suffering, but with each story shared, they grew closer together. 

Anders had had several friendships over the years, but none had run as deeply or felt as lasting as whatever this thing was that they were building between them. The bond held a song of promise that no demon had ever been able to offer: true freedom. Because once the bond was properly settled, that meant he would never have to set foot in a Circle ever again, except perhaps to bring more mages out of said Circles.

 _That_  was one of the few points of contention that still remained between he and Fenris, as was Justice. However, they hadn’t had a true argument about such things in a while and had actually begun to make some progress in that area. It wasn’t much, but it was a start.

Hayden arrived at the clinic in the middle of lunch, a thing that Anders still hadn’t quite gotten used to after nearly a month.

Fenris and Hayden had insisted that Anders start eating regularly back when they’d been forced into close proximity. Now it was merely a habit for them to share every meal from morning to night, and they both looked up when they realized that Hayden was close enough to sense their location again. (Such was yet another gift of the bond that fluctuated from day to day; it sometimes worked perfectly no matter how far apart they traveled, and sometimes… not.)

“Hey you two,” Hayden greeted them, looking a little weary from their errands. “Was everything alright this morning? I felt…” They looked between Anders and Fenris for a little while before pointing to Fenris. “You were… distressed.” They pointed to Anders. “And you were fussing. Something happened this morning, didn’t it?”

Anders glanced at Fenris, who nodded a slow ascent. Anders then turned back to Hayden as they sat down to eat, and he took in a breath before speaking. 

“Well, I think it’s time we had that conversation about sex, Hayden. Even with all that we’ve shared with one another, the bond hasn’t fully completed after nearly a month. I don’t feel comfortable with leaving it alone for much longer for fear of an incomplete bond potentially hurting us.”

Hayden sat very still, staring at him and blinking owlishly.

“Huh,” was all they said after a brief silence. “You know, my mother asked me today about whether or not the bond had settled yet. Apparently she wants to have our names put into the official registry so that I won’t be in danger of being taken to the Circle every time I set foot in the Gallows Courtyard. I… would like to put her mind at ease.”

They glanced at Fenris, who nodded. “Anders assures me that unless there is something medically wrong, I  _should_  enjoy it. However, I…” Fenris hesitated, and paused to take a breath, “I do not believe I am comfortable with the thought of receiving, exactly,” he said in a low voice.

Anders took a sip of his drink and inclined his head to Fenris.

“I don’t mind it, certainly.” 

He glanced back up at Hayden who was shifting nervously in their seat.

“Now I suppose it just depends on what you think you’d be comfortable with doing.” Hayden scoffed lightly, laughing shakily. “Well, I have to be receiving, don’t I? Even if I’m not the one in the middle, we both still have to be on the receiving end, don’t we?”

Anders made a face and shrugged, reaching up to brush the hair that had escaped his hair tie up and over one ear.

“Not… necessarily. I’ve taken two people before. Admittedly, they weren’t two men but two women wearing dildos secured in harnesses, but… I’ve done it. Also, and this was what I said to Fenris this morning, but sex is meant to be pleasurable. There are a lot of reasons why it might  _not_  be, but for the most part if all of the partners involved are consenting and communicative and take great care with each others’ bodies, it should feel  _good_.”

Hayden was back to blinking at him silently.

“You, uh… really? You can do that? Take… two people at once?”

Anders nodded, suddenly feeling a little self conscious. He could feel his cheeks heating up with what must be one hell of a blush. 

“Well, it takes a lot of stretching and lubrication, but… um. Yeah.” He smiled sheepishly. “Do you… want to try that?”

Hayden glanced at Fenris, who was also looking at Anders with a measure of amazement and awe. “What about you, Fen? What do you think?” Fenris was quiet for a while before he finally replied with, “I think that I won’t be able to move from here for awhile. Unless you’d like to close the clinic early and do this now, that is.” 

Anders just rolled his eyes and shook his head. 

“I want to do this right. Dinner, a nice bath, some wine. We should be relaxed for this. Well. I should be, at the very least, if we’re going to be doing it that way.” Then Anders remembered something that he had for and felt his cheeks burn just a little more.

“I wouldn’t mind doing a few other things first, though,” he added. “Because… well. Wardens, um, when we get going… it’s difficult to stop. Though it’s also been a long time since I’ve had sex so… I don’t know?”

“Why didn’t you tell us  _that_  when we were sharing our life stories with one another?” Hayden asked curiously.

Anders, who’d had his face in his hands after saying this, grumbled and rubbed at one of his temples. “It didn’t exactly seem relevant at the time… though, now that I think about it, there are, um… a few creation spells you can use to redirect blood flow and such… argh, can we just talk about this later?”

Hayden snorted once before descending into a fit of giggles. Beside Anders, Fenris merely chuckled. “So… should we discuss this before or after the bath?”

Anders put his head into his hands and sighed.

For all the awkwardness that the original conversation caused, they  _had_  actually agreed to try completing the bond  _tonight_. 

The very thought made Anders’ heart race with excitement.

Later that evening, the three of them shared a bath after dinner as they had done several times before, but this time the air was charged with an energy that wasn’t usually present in their routine. Anders could feel Fenris’ and Hayden’ eyes trailing his form (which had filled out some since they’d insisted on making him eat regular meals again), and he couldn’t help but do the same.

They didn’t bother with clothes after toweling each other dry.

Anders was the first to make a move by taking Hayden’s chin into his hands and kissing them senseless. Hayden’s gasp and resulting moan encouraged Anders to continue, and they were down on Fenris’ bed in moments with the elf not far behind them.

Though they had decided that they would likely move into the estate after the bond was complete, for this they wanted privacy, and Fenris’ bed was the place that they had spent the most time in; it was safe and familiar.

It felt like they belonged here, together.

Despite not having shared many kisses with Anders before, Hayden was a quick learner. They were handsy too, fingers roaming wherever they could reach, legs tangling with Anders until Hayden had rolled him over and was lying on top of the other mage with a wide grin on their face.

“I feel as though I want to devour you whole and savor you all at once,” Hayden whispered like it was the most valuable secret in the world. Fenris, who had been content to lounge next to them and watch, chuckled in response to Hayden’s words, but nothing else.

“I don’t want this to be over too quickly though,” Hayden lamented as they straddled Anders’ hips and bent down to press a wandering trail of kisses along the sparse hair on Anders’ chest. “I want this to last.”

“I think there is something I can do about that,” Fenris rumbled at last, and motioned for Hayden to scoot over, which they did eagerly. 

When the elf scooted down farther than Anders’ hips, it suddenly hit him what the elf was getting at, and he grunted in protest. “You, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, Fenris–”

“Hush, Anders,” Fenris soothed as he ran his hands up and down the healer’s well-muscled calves. “I most certainly want to do this. Think of it as reclaiming a part of myself that was once stolen from me, if that helps.” The tension in Anders’ chest loosened as Fenris flashed him the softest, most tender smile he had ever seen on the elf before Fenris bent down and began nuzzling at the happy trail of hair that ran down into a thatch of reddish blonde curls. 

Anders felt a swell of feeling rush through him and he hadn’t even been  _touched_  yet. Well, not by anyone’s mouth or hands at least. And speaking of hands, Hayden’s were still wandering along his skin while they angled themselves against a pillow that allowed them to be close enough to capture Anders’ lips in as many kisses as they desired. Anders’ chest also lay within reach of at least one of the other mage’s hands, and they used it often to tweak Anders’ nipples into hard little nubs while the other hand toyed with his hair, ran their fingers gently across his stubble, or tugged gently at an ear.

“Your other one has a hole in it, doesn’t it?” They asked breathlessly while Fenris was still biting and licking at the junctures of where Anders’ thighs met his groin. He was still deliberating avoiding Anders’ cock even though by now he must already be half hard, and the teasing was making it difficult to think.

“Yeah,” Anders panted, unable to keep the soft whine out of his voice. “Why?”

“Because I want to see you with an earring,” was Hayden’s answer. “I want to tug on it with my teeth and see how you react.”

Hayden’s voice was so close to his ear that it sent vibrations shivering down Anders’ spine that went straight to his cock. Following that, Fenris started to nuzzle at it with his nose before grasping the flesh of his thighs firmly to keep them in place as he took the head of Anders cock into his mouth.

Anders moaned, though it was muffled by yet another of Hayden’s kisses. Fenris didn’t take him all the way just then, but rather he would suck on the head for a moment or two before licking hot, teasing stripes along the sides and even the vein underneath. Between the two of them, they soon had Anders panting and whimpering, and that was when Fenris finally took him deep into his mouth and sucked. Hard.

_Sweet Maker. The elf had no gag reflex._

That was his last thought before he blanked out and that same swell of feeling from earlier returned to fill his chest to the brim. When he came to he was still hard, but his desire to cum was not as urgent anymore. He also discovered that there were tears trailing his cheeks and Hayden was gently wiping them away.

“Hush, it’s alright,” they soothed. “We have you.”

_Belonging. Safety. Love. Love. So much love._

“Uh huh,” Anders finally managed when his mind cleared from the haze of his orgasm, “that… yeah. Wow. Damnit elf, get up here so I can return the favor.”

“What?” came Fenris’s response, and before he could formulate another, Anders had switched their places and was straddling the elf’s hips very carefully. He chuckled as he bent down to follow Hayden’s example and trail kisses along the markings, since the elf lacked the substantial amount of body had that he possessed. 

The markings lit up whenever Anders licked along their surface, and he had expected them to feel cool against his tongue, but they weren’t much warmer or cooler than the rest of Fenris’ skin. They  _were_  slightly raised however, and incredibly smooth to the touch.

“Is this alright?” He asked when he came up to Fenris’ face to study his expression. This had him chuckling again however, because Fenris certainly looked as though he was in the furthest thing from pain. 

“’m better than alright,” the elf mumbled through his apparent pleasure. 

“There’s… no pain in them. No… ‘s the opposite. Don’t… stop. Don’t stop please.” Anders pressed a kiss to a corner of the elf’s mouth and gently nuzzled his nose against Fenris’.

“Do you want to cum? I know you wanted to try the double penetration later…”

“Won’t take me long,” Fenris mumbled again. “Side effect of the lyrium.”

One of Anders’ eyebrows rose reflexively in his surprise. “Oh… well then. So perhaps not all of their effects are so terrible, hmm?”

Fenris laughed as Anders’ hands ran down what was apparently a ticklish part of the elf’s midsection. Anders grinned and locked eyes with Hayden to make sure the other mage memorized that exact location for another time.

“No, I suppose not,” Fenris agreed, and not long after that was Anders sliding down Fenris’ body to take the elf’s cock into his mouth. Fenris arched up and bucked because Anders had not bothered to hold down his hips, but Anders found that he still remembered how to be flexible with this sort of act and that he too was able to take the entirety of Fenris’ length into his mouth. Anders reached underneath with one hand to stimulate Fenris’ balls while his thumb gently pressed against his perineum, all while still sucking Fenris off.

“A–Anders!” Fenris cried, and that was really all the warning Anders had before the elf’s hips jerked once and then he was coming down Anders’ throat.

When Anders was finally able to pull away, he found that his lips tingled with the essence of lyrium from Fenris’ cum. 

“So… me next?” Hayden purred eagerly, and Anders glanced over to find them rutting languidly against the sheets, the light of the fire causing the shadows across the muscles of their back to undulate mesmerizingly. 

Anders chuckled. “Need to stretch myself a bit, first.” 

“I… could do that,” Hayden offered, almost shyly. “Unless Fenris…?”

Fenris grunted, his thighs and stomach muscles still trembling from the intense orgasm Anders had wrung from him.

“Hnnngh. You go ahead. I need a moment,” he panted. Anders frowned; something in the elf’s voice was different, but Anders couldn’t quite place it. “Fenris?” He asked quietly, leaning over while Hayden scampered off to find the flask of lubricant Anders had brought from the clinic for tonight’s use. “Are you alright?” He gingerly brushed the hair from Fenris’ eyes and found them to be swimming with tears.

“I think so,” Fenris whispered back, still trembling all over. “I just need… a moment. I’m… feeling… things. I don’t know what they are. So many things.”

Anders nodded. “Yeah. I feel them too. I think it’s just a part of the bonding process. Try not to fight it. Just let it happen… we can always stop, but…”

Fenris shook his head. “No, I… I’m alright.” The elf leaned up and Anders angled his head so that he could gently press a kiss to Fenris’ lips. They tingled with heat as they met; warm and fuzzy and oh,  _ohh_ , the sensations that Anders could feel flooding his(?) system, so intense and bright and almost too much to bear and yet there was  _safety_  here. 

_Trust. Belonging._

Hayden came back to the bed and suddenly Anders was himself(?) again, moving over to Fenris’ left side and laying back against the sheets. Hayden approached him, crawling across the bed’s expanse like a prowling cat, the light of the fire making them seem ethereal and otherworldly.

They hesitated when they came to rest between Anders’ legs, holding the bottle of slick in one hand and gently grasping one leg with the other.

“Have you done this before?” Anders asked them. “To… to yourself at least?”

Hayden nodded. “Yeah. It’s… the same principle, right? One finger at a time?” 

“Sort of,” Anders answered, studying their reluctant expression carefully. “You need to be communicative, and be a bit more thorough with the stretching, alright?” Finally, Hayden nodded. “Okay. Um… so, d’you mind, maybe turning over? Or…”

“I can do this,” Anders told them as he grabbed one of the pillows, propped it underneath him, and pulled his knees back to allow Hayden better access to his entrance. “That should help, yes?”

Hayden nodded again and popped the cork, still grasping the bottle in one hand while the other dripped slowly down Hayden’s arm. They frowned, not sure where to put the bottle, but Fenris reached out and took it from them, and Hayden nodded their thanks. 

Hayden took their time preparing Anders as they’d been advised, and after Anders requested they put a fourth finger in after the standard three, he’d come again from the sheer sweet burn of the stretch. Hayden was about to pull their fingers away before Anders shook his head and said, “Just a little more. Fen’s going to have to stretch me again once you’re inside. He’ll need a little more room to work with that what you’ve got right now.” 

“Do I need to add another finger?” they asked skeptically, but Anders shook his head. “Just stretch me with those four a little more,” he panted, already feeling  _another_  rise beginning to climb.

Again, Hayden did as they’d been asked before Anders finally told them to remove the fingers and lay back on the bed.

Hayden was already quite hard after having been teasing themselves the entire time while watching Anders and Fenris have their fun, so it wasn’t difficult for Anders (after slicking their cock up with more lubricant) to line himself up and slowly lower himself onto Hayden. Hayden gasped as Anders took in the tip of their cock, and by the time Anders was flush with the base of Hayden’s cock, their body was twitching with pleasure.

“Deep breaths, Hayden,” Anders hushed as he did his best to stay still, gently massaging Hayden’s sides, which weren’t as ticklish as Fenris’ had been. “That’s it, just breathe.”

As Hayden was calming down, Anders glanced over at Fenris who had since mostly recovered from his previous orgasm and climbed around to Anders’ back where he would have to enter from in order for this to work. 

“Slicking up my fingers now,” he told the two mages as he shuffled forward on the bed. “Are you ready?”

Anders nodded and then looked back down at Hayden, who was still panting.

“Do you think you can hold off while Fenris stretches me further?” he asked, and Hayden whimpered, but there was a determined look in their eyes as they grit their teeth and nodded. “I think I can, yeah. I’ll let you know if I get close again… Maker, this is going to end quickly once we’re both in, huh?”

Anders chuffed, though this was right as one of Fenris’ cool lubricant slicked fingers managed to edge underneath the already stretched rim of his entrance. He panted harshly as he gripped the sheets, doing his best to keep an eye on Hayden beneath him.

“Still okay?” he asked when Fenris managed three fingers and was currently attempting a fourth. He had tears rolling down his cheeks again, but Anders had so many emotions flooding him and so many thoughts running through his head that he had no idea what might be causing them. Hayden was crying too, but Anders was certain it was likely from the intense pleasure of holding themselves on the edge for as long as they had. 

He would have to remember to commend Hayden for their own stamina later.

“Fenris,” Anders hissed when one of Fenris’ fingers has brushed his sweet spot and caused his hips to jerk a little despite his iron-willed restraint, “I think you can stop with the stretching now. Hayden and I can’t hold on for much longer.”

Fenris grunted, and Anders was suddenly, vividly aware of how close Fenris was despite not having been touched since Anders had sucked him off.

“I know,” the elf panted as he lined himself up, “trust me, I know.”

And then once the head was underneath the rim of Anders’ entrance, they collectively took a few deep breaths before Fenris grasped Anders’ sides for support and  _thrust_.

Bright spots danced on the edge of Anders’ vision as he heard Hayden and Fenris groan at the same time. 

_Full. So full. So very, very full. Stuffed to capacity. So full._

Anders’ breath came in short pants as he held himself on the edge of that sensation, not wanting to move but knowing that he desperately need to. All he could manage was a swivel of his hips, but that was enough. Fenris’ hips jerked automatically, followed by Hayden. Anders couldn’t tell if there was a rhythm, there was only pleasure upon pleasure upon pleasure… 

_I’ll never have to set foot in a Circle again._

Anders’ moans were loud now, louder than he’d ever dared to be in the Circle. 

_Hayden will never be without a home again._

Anders cried out, wordless and full of so many emotions he could not name. 

_Fenris will never be a slave again._

“Fen, Fen, Hayden, Hay–fen! Ah! So close, so close, so close, so–ohhhh!” The words just tumbled out of his mouth until the words stopped coming, both Hayden and Fenris thrusting as one and–

Anders arched back as his orgasm tore through him, and he felt strange, like he was in three places at once and yet still in the  _same_  place, experiencing the same pleasure. Distantly he could feel his inner walls clamping down on both Hayden and Fenris, and the waves of their own climaxes merely washed gently against the shore of his mind, echoing through the chamber that was their soul.

__Freedom. The song of true freedom sung loudly in his ears._ _

Arms that were just as shaky as his legs held him aloft as Fenris pulled out first and there were the trembling after effects as the arms that had held him up helped him extricate himself from Hayden.

Anders was having trouble focusing, but something told him that so were his… lovers? Partners? No. Mates.

Soulmates. 

They were in a similar state as he was, unable to focus as their souls were torn and reformed and torn and reformed again. But mostly all Anders could feel was the desire to sleep, which he gave into as soon as Hayden was curled up against his chest and Fenris against his back.

Darkness was creeping in quickly, but the last thing that Anders was able to register before finally falling under was a single feeling, clear as day.

_Belonging._

* * *

In the following morning, Hayden was the first to wake.

They lay in the silence of the morning, merely soaking in the warmth of the bodies next to them and the rays of the sun streaming in through the windows. Or, that is, they lay in the silence until they realized that the torrent of thoughts that had plagued them since their initial bonding… was gone.

They sat up, but as they did so, they winced, finding things a little… tender in certain places. They groaned softly, trying to blink the sleep out of their eyes, and beside them their bond-mates begin to stir.

Fenris was the next to come to consciousness, and he too seemed to feel the same tenderness that Hayden was experiencing.

Anders, once he’d woken, tried casting some sort of spell to relieve his own aches and pains… until his skin started to glow, turn transparent, and he yelped as he sunk straight through the bed. For a few brief heartbeats, he remained there, only visible from the shoulders up and panicking a little until he managed to get a handle on himself again. 

Eventually he climbed back up onto the bed and sat shivering in his shock between Hayden and Fenris.

Hayden coughed, trying to hold back a chuckle.

“That’s… one hell of a way to wake up. Are you… okay?”

Fenris moved close to Anders and almost instantly Hayden could sense Anders’ panic vanish as the elf gently rubbed at his shoulders. Anders chuckled sheepishly and nodded so as to assuage Hayden’s concern.

“Yeah,” he huffed, flashing Hayden a slight grin. “It was just… unexpected.”

“What did you do, exactly?” Hayden asked snickering.

Anders held up his hands in a “I have no idea” motion and merely answered, “I was  _trying_  to cast a healing spell. It, um… it worked, but… well. That also happened.” He glanced at Fenris. “You still okay? No magical outbursts?”

Fenris shook their head. 

“Not at the moment, but I feel… different. Like I  _could_  do something if I wanted to… maybe.” Fenris grumbled and stared at his hands, and Hayden crawled around to lay in front of their bond-mates. One of the sheets was tangled around Hayden’s middle and lower body, and even as they grasped one of Fenris’ hands to comfort him, a thought whispered at the back of their mind.

_‘Maker. If that sheet rode up just a little bit higher, my eyes could drink my fill of that cute little–’_

“Anders?” Hayden spluttered. 

“Yes?” 

“Were you just–?” Hayden looked up at the other mage and squinted as though that might tell them what they needed to know. “Were you thinking about my ass just now?”

Anders’ eyes widened immediately and he stammered, “Um, uh…”

“You were!” Hayden crowed, sitting up and pointing an accusatory finger at the other mage, grinning. “I heard your thoughts! Wait…” Hayden blinked owlishly, letting their hand fall back to their lap. “I… I heard your thoughts…”

“Another… side effect?” Fenris proposed.

Anders shrugged. “It might be? It’s not as though bonds like ours are very common. I mean, I just fell through the bed when I tried to cast a  _healing spell_.”

“And before you cast it, I’m pretty sure we were  _all_ feeling the effects of last night,” Fenris added with a grin, causing Anders to blush. “So it seems there are certain sensations that we share as well as our skills and –potentially– our thoughts.” Hayden huffed.

“No, that was definitely Anders’ thought. I mean, I think my butt looks good, but not  _that_  good. That was all you,” they said, pointing to Anders again, who laughed and grinned sheepishly again.

“That–that, uh… okay. Maybe.” Anders shook his head and tried to rub the sleep from his own eyes. “Well. It seems there’s still a lot that we have to work through, don’t we?” 

“It seems so,” Fenris agreed. “But… I am strangely alright with that.” He glanced at both Anders and Hayden and nodded, searching for agreement.

“Of course,” Hayden said immediately. “We’re partners now.”

“Soulmates,” Anders whispered. “Partners. We protect each other and keep each other safe. It’s, like… it’s not going to be perfect, but the bond is designed to make it easier for us to, well,  _bond_. To love. I don’t know if either of you… are quite ready to admit that, but I am. I love you. Both of you. I’m still me, though. I still want mages to be free, I’m still… how do you put it, Hayden?”

“Sharing headspace with a Fade Spirit of Justice?”

“Yes, that. I’ve still got that going on. Occasionally I’m still going to be an ass, but… now I have you two to call me out on my shit and… I know you won’t leave me. Because…” Anders sniffed wetly, brushing tears from his eyes, “nothing short of death will keep me from you both now.”

“Oh Anders,” Hayden sighed, moving over to comfort the other mage. Fenris moved with them, and the three of them ended up huddling together in a cuddle pile on the bed.

“We’re not going anywhere, Anders,” Fenris grumbled, and Hayden nodded their ascent. “There’s not a chance in the void I could ever leave your sides now,” they agreed. “And whatever is next for us… we shall take it on together, yes?” A feeling of agreement surged through their newly formed bond, causing all of them to exhale at once.

“Wow,” Anders breathed. “That’s still going to take some getting used to.”

“And there’s probably other things we’ve yet to experience,” said Hayden with a smile. Then they turned to slide of the bed in search of their robes and shouted behind them, “I’m off to tell my mother that I’ll be bringing the two of you by tonight. For good, yes?” They glanced up and looked between Anders and Fenris, who both nodded.

“Yes,” Anders agreed. Fenris was a bit reluctant, but then Anders leaned over and nuzzled at his left ear and he relaxed, nodding his agreement as well.

“Good,” Hayden chirped. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. Don’t go anywhere. And if you can, try not to get dressed!”

“Hey!” Anders shouted as they darted off. “ _Now_  who’s obsessed with butts?” 

Distantly, the sound of Hayden’s elated laughter carried over into the room, and Anders and Fenris chuckled at the younger mage’s exuberance. They shared a quick kiss, and that kiss quickly turned into something else.

“Do you think Hayden minds if we have a little fun while they’re away?” Anders asked in a breathy whisper. Fenris chuckled. “No, but I think they’re still going to notice, don’t you?” Anders sighed happily as he gently pressed the elf’s body into the sheets, his own suddenly quite eager to resume last night’s activities.

“They can join in when they get back. For now… I want to make you feel good, Fen.” Fenris purred contentedly, stretching out like a cat. 

“Have at it, mage.” 

“Oh… it would be my  _pleasure_.”


	4. Day 4: Fic/Art Rec Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Terribly sorry to interrupt your usual bedtime programming, so here’s some Fenhanders recommendations for your trouble.
> 
> **Question of the Day:**  
>  What fic, piece of art, or blog/blogger caused you to sail the good ship Fenhanders?
> 
> _For me, it was probably The_Arkadian’s[Apostate Chronicles](http://archiveofourown.org/series/10397), after the first time I decided to go through every complete fic in the Anders/Fenris tag and found this particular set of fics intriguing._

**[Faded Spirits](http://archiveofourown.org/works/468457)**  | [xxMad_Donaxx](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xxMad_Donaxx/pseuds/xxMad_Donaxx) | Rated: Explicit  
AO3 Summary: When Anders stops to heal a child during their flight from Kirkwall he's captured by Templars. After being abused and raped they perform the Rite of Tranquility on him but it didn't work the way they expected it to. Instead of his connection to the Fade, the Rite burned out Justice. Hawke and Fenris sneak in and take him back and the healing process begins.

> Time’s Comments: It’s been awhile since I’ve read this (Anders’ recovery in the beginning is always a little difficult to read through) but once he’s able to get his footing underneath him, Hawke and Fenris are super supportive and loving and it’s generally an interesting read as all of Mad’s fics tend to be.

\---

**[Travail Series](http://archiveofourown.org/series/327785)**  | [Aurënfaie](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Aurenfaie/pseuds/Aur%C3%ABnfaie) | Rated: Teen to Explicit  
Summary: In the wake of the Kirkwall Explosion, Anders, Fenris, and Hawke are on the run. In Tension, Anders has an unsuccessful suicide attempt while Fenris and Hawke help with the fallout. In Taut, they’re all giant messes who really need a bath but decide to have fantastic sex instead. And finally, in Traverse, the trio travel to Wiesshaupt after the events of Here Lies the Abyss and find some really bizarre shit in the Anderfels wilderness.

> Time’s Comments: Yet another series of fics I haven’t read in awhile, but seriously, they’re great. Especially the last one about the Anderfels. I love being generally creeped out by things while content in the knowledge that they all get to live in the end.

\---

[**Lost Boys**](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8564740) | [ContreParry](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ContreParry/pseuds/ContreParry) | Rated: Teen | Tumblr: @contreparry  
AO3 Summary: When Hawke goes missing in the Fade, Fenris is determined to find his dearest friend. But he may need to find a few other lost people before he can bring Hawke home.

> Time’s Comments: In which Anders and Fenris become a weird brooding buddy cop comedy duo while traveling to Adamant to try and rescue Hawke from the Fade. I love this one. Developing friendships are my jam. Also enemies to friends to lovers, pining, character development... seriously, it’s great. Go read the thing and leave a comment cause they’re good people. :)

\---

**[Infinity in Pieces](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6597097)**  | [therealmnemo](http://archiveofourown.org/users/therealmnemo/pseuds/therealmnemo) | Rated: Teen | Tumblr: @therealmnemo  
AO3 Summary: Short story of Anders, a Mer that eagerly awaits for his soul mark to appear and deals with the fallout when his mark is different.

> Time’s Comments: I love love love LOVE soulmate AUs. Like, this was one of the first threesome soulmate AUs I ever read, and it just blew my mind. Like, I’d read threesome fics before, but for some reason soulmate AUs didn’t occur to me. This one’s a lovely piece featuring of course Mnemo’s love of mermaid flavored Fenhanders and is generally an all around wholesome fic.

\---

**[TO HOLD BACK THE SKY](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7498884)**  | [Mikkeneko](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mikkeneko/pseuds/Mikkeneko) | Rated: Explicit | Tumblr: [@mikkeneko](https://tmblr.co/mQinCuAEZN8fzW1FQO_b2Vg)  
AO3 Summary: Garrett Hawke is a deep-space salvager and ship's captain, gallivanting about the galaxy with his two boyfriends, Anders and Fenris. But when they take on a salvage job that's more than it seems to be, their comfortable universe is about to get turned upside-down.

> Time’s Comments: It’s Fenhanders in space, what more do you want? XD Also there’s some creative sex in zero-g, and just a taste of Mikke’s fantastic talent for world-building. Mikke, I wouldn’t mind seeing this continued or revisited someday, maybe after you’re done with your current project. :P

\---  
 **[No Longer Alone](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9817073)**  | [HeroMaggie](http://archiveofourown.org/users/HeroMaggie/pseuds/HeroMaggie) | Rated: Explicit | Tumblr: [@warriormaggie](https://tmblr.co/mv8R_hL6WxLz7etO-KbtZzQ)  
AO3 Summary: Anders longs to spend time in his undersea home, away from the oppressive summer heat. Little does he know that Fenris has seen him shape change and will be waiting for him with Hawke so they can discuss a change in their relationship...

> Time’s Comments: More Fenhanders with mermaid flavoring, or in this case, cecaelia + tentacles flavoring. :P I’m pretty sure this only exists because of [@dragonageweirdshit](https://tmblr.co/mLh2udJ_BxWANeH5lJULV1Q)‘s penchant for, well, weird shit, and even if that isn’t the case, I’m still glad regardless. Short, sweet, and smutty. Go read it.

\---

**[Relight My Life](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9099523)**  | [Legorandia](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Legorandia/pseuds/Legorandia), [LukaTisus](http://archiveofourown.org/users/LukaTisus/pseuds/LukaTisus) | Rated: Explicit  
AO3 Summary: Garrett Hawke, a rich repairman, and Anders, a med student with a rough history, have been in a relationship for years. When Fenris, an elf who barely knows who he is outside of his name, shows up in Kirkwall in desperate need of help, the two open their door to him with no clue how their lives are about to change.

> Time’s Comments: Currently still in progress, but a really good read for what’s there so far. It’s a modern AU that deals with a lot of sensitive topics like drug use, transitioning, domestic violence, and more, and I find it’s really well done. The characterization is spot on and engaging and every update tends to be really satisfying to read. 


	5. Day 5: But Who's the Little Spoon?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags and warnings for this chapter include: Anal Sex, Spit-roasting, Offscreen Kink Negotiation, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling. 
> 
> **Question of the Day:**  
>  C’mon, who’s the Little Spoon?
> 
> _Fenris is usually the littlest spoon, if he is not tucked up against Hayden’s back when they are draped across Anders like a human blanket. However, at some point in the night, Hayden almost always turns over and brings him close against their chest, and Fenris almost always rolls over to fit himself against them._
> 
> _It is also usually at this point that Anders will snuggle close behind Hayden, spooning them, and sandwiching the smaller mage between himself and Fenris. Hayden never minds this however, and in fact it is their favorite way to wake up._

Fenris had always thought that an intimate moment was something hard and fast that was done in the dark. Or it was done in public, with a spotlight, and there was lots of oil involved. Sometimes none at all.

But always, always there was pain.

Until Hayden and Anders, that was all he’d ever known. He hadn’t expected the warm softness that blossomed in his heart when he woke that first morning, curled up in Hayden’s arms, feeling Anders’ hand on his hip. Normally that sort of touch would’ve disturbed him, but when he peeked over Hayden’s sleeping form, he spotted the blonde on the other side, snoring softly.

Anders’ fingers twitched in his sleep, and the mage’s long thumb rubbed idle circles into the skin just above the leggings he slept in.

It felt... good. Comforting. Hayden tugged him just a little closer, and though Fenris initially resisted, eventually he relented and fell back to sleep in the wee hours of the morning, warm and safe and more content than he’d ever remembered feeling.

Even the more physical intimacies of their relationship held a kind of tenderness to them, which also surprised Fenris in the beginning. No matter whether it was a game of their own devising, or straight up “I’m so glad you’re alive” sex after a rough couple of days on the road, or somewhere in between.

A few weeks after Leandra died, Fenris arrived home after doing a few errands for Aveline (just little things really, like killing slavers in Darktown, or tracking down ruffians who’d been terrorizing the Alienage elves) and when he had finished cleaning up and entered the estate proper, he felt a shift in the energy of the room.

Fenris took a quick glance around and came across the sight of Anders at the alchemy desk he shared with Hayden, where Hayden also stood, draped over the taller mage’s shoulders like a human blanket. 

When Fenris entered the room, they looked up, and Fenris could see the flush on Anders’ cheeks even in the low candlelight, as well as the devilish grin on Hayden’s face. Fenris felt his own face heat up when he caught Hayden’s gaze, somehow playful and arousing all at once. They looked happier tonight that he’d seen them in awhile.

“Fenris, you’re home!” Hayden greeted him, gently pulling the elf into a hug as they peppered his face with kisses. “Orana should have dinner ready soon if you’d like to join us.” 

Fenris chuckled. “It would be my pleasure. Her cooking is always a delight.”

Hayden released him, but not before nuzzling their noses together and winking at him. “Good. I’m looking forward to the rest of the evening as well.” Then their Champion spun around and scampered off, presumably to check on dinner. Fenris caught Anders’ gaze and jerked his head in the direction Hayden had disappeared off to.

“They’re awfully... chipper tonight.”

Anders nodded. “Yeah. Um, about that.”

Fenris frowned. He wasn’t sure he liked the undertones of the other mage’s voice. “Yes? What is it?” Anders sighed.

“Well, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Hayden isn’t all that great at verbalizing when they want sex?” Fenris arched a single eyebrow. “That’s their way of going about it?” Anders shrugged. “I mean, that’s how they’ve always done it with... um, me. I don’t know about you.” Anders’ cheeks flushed and he glanced away. Fenris frowned and thought on it for a moment.

“This isn’t the first we’ve... been together since I joined with you both.”

“I figured,” Anders conceded. “But this is the first we’ve been here, the three of us, and we’ve never really discussed that.” Fenris tilted his head. “Should we?” Anders nodded emphatically. “Absolutely! I mean, it can be hard enough figuring out what to do with two people sometimes, never mind three.”

Anders flashed Fenris a sheepish grin. “It’s only fair to you. To all of us. To be honest, even though I’m had threesomes before... this is different.”

“You care about us,” Fenris said without thinking, and then found himself blinking owlishly at his own words. Anders laughed. “Yeah, that’s probably it. I’m also not going to have to send you home when you’re done and ask that you pay the madame on the way out, so that’s different too.”

Fenris gave Anders a curious look, which was only answered by a shrug.

“My only experiences with threesomes were in brothels. Well, the ones I remember anyway. It’s just... gonna be different, and I think we should talk about it before we get serious about anything.”

Somehow, something as simple as Anders’ concern was enough to flood Fenris’ heart with warmth the same way Hayden’s sleepy hugs did.

* * *

That first evening had been awkward, and was littered with several starts and stops. Even after a long discussion over dinner, when they retired to the bedroom, Fenris was not sure where to look, where to touch, or who he should do those things to first. 

Hayden seemed to sense his hesitation however, and it was only after a brief heartbeat of Fenris standing in front of the closed door, wringing his hands uncertainly that they reached out to him and pulled Fenris flush with Anders’ back. Fenris let out a small sound of protest until he heard Hayden chuckle.

“Help me undress him?” They asked sultrily, batting their eyelashes at Fenris from just over Anders’ shoulders. 

Fenris could already feel Hayden making short work of the taller mage’s coat, and from the sinfully wet sounds they were making as they did so, Fenris could tell that they weren’t waiting for all of the clothes to come off before they started in on their blond dessert. Fenris’ hands began tugging at the offending clothing of their own accord as a swift shot of arousal helped him sort out his priorities.

The coat was tossed aside in mere moments, and as Anders’ undertunic joined it, Fenris immediately set to work running his hands down the taller mage’s scarred back. He frowned briefly as his fingers brushed across the raised welts of the whip scarring in particular, remembering the first night he spent with just Anders where he’d learned the origin of these scars for the first time.

Now was not the time for dwelling on such things however, as he was much more interested in continuing to tease Anders while Hayden made short work of the trousers. 

“You...” Anders panted once he’d been divested of every last scrap of clothing save for the ridiculous Tevinter Chantry amulet Hayden had gifted him, along with the key to the cellars that led into Darktown. “You are both rather overdressed.” Then, in a rare display of Anders’ hidden strength, he gripped Hayden’s shoulders and spun the both of them around in Fenris’ grasp.

Hayden appeared stunned as their back thudded against Fenris’ chest, but they most certainly weren’t complaining about the recent turn of events. 

“Fenris, would you let Hayden remove your clothes while I remove theirs?”

 _Fasta vass_. He absolutely would after that performance.

Fenris nodded, and all he was able to catch of Hayden’s expression before they proceeded to do to him what they’d done to Anders was a flash of white from the wide grin they sported. 

He did his best to help Hayden where he could, but everywhere Hayden touched felt like another spark to the slowly burning flame of his arousal. Every movement he made sent sensations shooting up his spine that had his brain all but dribbling from his ears, and by the time they were all completely nude, his breathing came in short, heavy pants. Fenris couldn’t help but idly stroke himself while he watched Anders undo Hayden’s thick braid of hair, causing it to fan out and cascade down their back like a silky black waterfall.

“Alright loves,” Hayden chuffed as Anders’ hands began to wander down their body from shoulders to ass, “Let’s move this to the bed, shall we? Unless you’d prefer the wall? Or the desk?”

Those... sounded like fantastic options, Fenris thought. He wasn’t certain he felt up to being that adventurous though. He glanced up as he stepped forward to run his hands through Hayden’s hair, catching Anders’ gaze for a moment. Anders’ eyes lingered on Fenris before he bent to press a quick kiss to the top of Hayden’s head, leading the smaller mage backwards towards the bed.

“There’s plenty of time for fancy things in the future,” Anders purred. “Nothing wrong with doing something predictable.” He chuckled and jerked his head in Fenris’ direction.

“Don’t you agree, Fen?”

Fenris followed them to the bed, still lingering on the edge. “I think so,” he murmured, almost reluctantly. Hayden, who was underneath Anders now and lounging on the silk sheets like a large cat, moved around the taller mage until they could see Fenris perching on the edge.

“You alright, Fenris? You seem tense.”

Fenris bit his lip, frowning. “I’m just... not sure where to be. Where do you...”

“Where do you want to be?” Hayden asked, interrupting him. “I assumed you’d prefer to be behind Anders, but if you’d rather... be here...” They shrugged. “I wouldn’t mind. It’s not often I get to take Anders anyway. Mostly cause I just prefer not to.” They grinned, and Fenris felt his face flush.

Did he want that? He didn’t know.

Hmm. Perhaps he should find out.

“I do not know if I’ll like it,” he admitted slowly, “but I would like to try it. And Anders... would be... in between?”

“Mmm, that sounds like a fantastic place to be,” Anders hummed appreciatively. “Between a Hawke and a hard place.” Hayden groaned. “Ugh, Anders. And you get onto  _me_  about the terrible puns. That was awful, man.”

“You like my kind of awful though.”

“Tch. It’s an acquired taste and you know it.” 

Hayden stuck their tongue at Anders, lifting their arm and yelping when Anders grabbed a loose pillow and whacked them with it playfully.

Fenris stared, wide eyed at the display. He’d never seen this side of his lovers before, at least in bed. He hadn’t even known that such levity during sex could be possible. Still, despite the slight pang of loneliness that tugged at a spot in the center of his chest, he felt the corners of his lips twitch upward and a chuckle spill out from between them. 

“As fun as it is watching you two fool around, I am feeling a little neglected over here,” he purred, trying to emulate Hayden’s earlier sultriness. “Well come on over here then,” Hayden chuckled. “Anders?”

Fenris’ attempt at seduction seemed to have worked, because Hayden gave Anders a look and that was all it took for the blonde to reach out and pull him down on the bed. He landed with a soft  _thump_  on the sheets between them, Anders draping himself over Fenris and attacking his throat with tongue and teeth. Hayden shifted onto their haunches to watch the picture they made, and it certainly seemed to please them from the greedy gleam in their eyes.

“Is this better?” they asked, moving to rearrange the bedding so that Fenris was in a more comfortable position for what they were about to do. Fenris nodded, unable to really articulate his affirmation in words after Anders moved down to straddle his thighs and began moving his assault further down to Fenris’ chest, particularly his nipples. 

“S-So much...” Fenris finally managed during a brief reprieve from Anders’ attentions. Hayden chuckled. “I’ll be right back then. Gotta go find that oil.”

“You know I can make some with a spell, right?” Anders grumbled as Hayden scrambled to the edge of the bed and began rummaging through the drawer of the end table on the side. Hayden scoffed lightly, chuffing. “Yeah, but you know Fenris prefers this instead...”

They made another sound, this time an exclamation of victory, and they turned back to Anders and Fenris with a glass vial of scented oil wedged between their thumb and middle finger. 

Anders assessed the little bottle for a moment when Hayden tossed it to him, immediately grinning when he recognized it from their own nights together when it was just the two of them. “Ah, right,” he muttered, glancing over in Fenris’ direction. “So I’ll be using this then, to do the stretching. Still alright with doing the receiving instead of the taking?”

Fenris nodded, swallowing nervously. “I’ll let you know if I can’t do it. I remember the words we settled on during dinner.”

Anders nodded. “Alright then.” He climbed back up and pressed their foreheads together as he captured Fenris’ lips in a soft, tender kiss. He lingered there briefly, eyes closed, just breathing in as though it were just the two of them again. Then he opened his eyes and pulled away, nuzzling their noses. 

“Try to relax if you can. I can only imagine the pain you’ve experienced like this, and I know how hard it is not to think about those experiences. Just trust me. Trust that I won’t hurt you.”

 _Venhedis_ , he trusted this man with his life (and his heart) on a daily basis.

Why not his body?

Anders moved back and began covering his fingers with the oil, the faint floral scent filling the area around them. Fenris breathed it in, thinking of feeling Anders’ hands on him, pressing, kneading...

He gasped when a hand grasped his cock, though he was surprised to find Hayden settling in next to him, idly stroking him as Anders’ oil coated fingers massaged his entrance. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to surprise you like that,” they chuffed. “It’s just, you looked tense, and I wanted to help.” They grinned, and Fenris couldn’t help but laugh. He opened his mouth to say something in reply, but that was quickly cut off when the sensation of a single oiled finger pressing into him.

“Oh, it helped,” Anders snickered. “What a lovely distraction. Keep at it, won’t you?” Fenris groaned. “You two will be the death of me...”

“Well, there are worse ways to die,” Hayden murmured, pressing soft, nibbling kisses along one of Fenris’ ears. They continued to tease and touch all along his body, being careful to avoid putting too much attention on his brands. Occasionally they would flicker whenever Anders’ fingers would press against a spot inside him that had him arching up briefly each time.

Anders would chuckle and Hayden would hold him close and nuzzle their nose into his hair. Despite being almost painfully aroused by the time Anders was ready to slick up and enter him, Fenris felt no rush to hurry, no anxiety.

No pain. There wasn’t any pain as Anders filled him, just mild discomfort that quickly turned to pleasure when the tall mage’s hips were flush with his.

“You alright?” They both asked him, causing all three of them to burst out laughing. Fenris and Anders’ laughter was cut short when a wave of pleasure hit them, and Hayden chuckled at this. 

“I’ll take that as a yes,” they said with a smirk. “Guess that means it’s my turn to have some fun. You want this done quickly or thoroughly, Anders?” They picked up the vial of oil and moved around so that they were behind the other mage. Anders chuffed. “Your call. Just don’t send me off to the golden city before we get to the fun bits. Grey warden stamina only goes so far, you know.”

Hayden snorted as Fenris glimpsed them coating their fingers in oil. “So you’ve mentioned,” they drawled, tossing their hair back. “I’ll do my best, but I make no promises.”

“But I _like_  being filled!” Anders whined, which had Fenris snorting now.

“He does like being filled Hayden,” Fenris confirmed, chuckling. “And I for one would like to see what being in between us both does to him.” Fenris caught sight of Hayden’s devilsh smirk from over Anders’ shoulders as they scooted forward to presumably begin to prepare Anders’ for their own cock.

“Alright, alright, you’ve convinced me,” Hayden relented. “I doubt it’ll completely wreck him though. Hmm. We’ll have to come up with some things in private, you and I. Surprise him with them one night.” 

Hayden winked, and Fenris felt his whole body flush from the thought.

“Ooh that sounds delightfu–oh!” Anders’ eyes widened and Fenris could actually feel the trembling of the taller mage’s thighs as he struggled not to jerk his hips in his apparent pleasure. Hayden’s expression was a strange mix of proud and stunned all at once, and Fenris had to purse his lips together to keep from snickering.

“Uh, oops? Sorry–”

“Andraste’s ass, never be sorry for  _that_ ,” Anders cut in breathlessly. “I think I’m good for now though. Promise.” Anders couldn’t see Hayden’s skeptical expression, but the other mage merely shrugged and thought nothing of it. Perhaps they’d done something like this before, or there was just that much trust between them. Fenris was certain that it was probably the latter, given what he’d witnessed tonight.

As Hayden slicked themselves up and entered Anders, the blonde fell against Fenris’ chest, moaning softly. Fenris twitched, gasping as his cock was trapped between their bodies. He threw his head back and reached up to thread his fingers through Anders’ hair, gently grasping at the fine red-gold strands.

“Mmm, this feels so good,” Anders groaned into his chest, panting harshly. Fenris opened his eyes to watch Hayden bend down and pull Anders up, though not so far back that Fenris couldn’t still keep his fingers in the mage’s hair. “Does it?” Hayden purred, gently nipping at the point where neck met shoulder. 

“Feels good on this end,” they added. 

“Someone needs to move already,” Fenris grunted, and Hayden laughed as they gladly obliged. Fenris felt Anders move back with them, pulling out slightly, but then his hips jerked forward and hit that spot inside him that made him see stars as he arched up, releasing Anders’ hair to grasp the bedsheets in his desperate need to hold onto something more solid.

Like their earlier conversations, their thrusts had a few starts and stops before they were able to establish a rhythm, but it didn’t take much to have Fenris teetering on that edge. Anders was close too, judging from the glassy eyed look Fenris caught sight of whenever Anders was able to open his eyes through the haze of his pleasure...

Hayden was harder to read, having never seen them on the other side of the fence before. They seemed to be the most composed out of all of them though, as they had a wide, devious grin on their face while they watched Anders come undone between the two of them.

“Help me out a little, Fenris,” they murmured encouragingly, “Anders is so rarely vocal in bed... I want to hear him sing.” 

“He does have quite the lovely voice,” Fenris agreed, panting. He leaned forward so that he could catch Anders’ nipples in his mouth. The angle had Anders’ subsequent thrusts hitting in a less optimal place, but he was alright with that. His stimulations, combined with Hayden’s quick thrusts and biting kisses had Anders unravelling for them very quickly.

He became quite vocal under their encouragements, though there weren’t really any words falling from his lips except for their names, and those were interspersed in a mostly steady stream of moans and unintelligible gibberish. 

It was Fenris who recognized the moment Anders’ orgasm was set to overtake him, as he broke free from Hayden’s loose hold against their chest to press Fenris back into the mattress, hips jerking almost violently. Fenris gasped into a searingly hot kiss full of passion, moaning, and tongue. Anders groaned into him as Fenris felt himself being filled, though with the pace that Anders had been setting before as he’d begun bludgeoning his sweet spot again, it didn’t take long for Fenris to follow him over the edge.

That was when Hayden finally lost their cool and gave themselves over to their own pleasure, chasing their own high and finding it shortly after their lovers had.

Hayden was the first to pull out, and they scrambled off the bed on shaky legs in search of a towel they could clean off with. They eventually came back with one, as well as a small bowl of water, finding Anders draped over Fenris, still buried inside him. Not that Fenris minded, especially in his post orgasm haze.

“Alright you two,” Hayden chided them as they cleaned themselves off, “that’s enough of that. You can sleep once you’re clean. I’d like to not have to make Orana work any harder than she already does.” 

Anders groaned with discontent, but did as Hayden requested. He gave himself a quick, perfunctory cleaning, but took his time with Fenris as he wiped the cum from his chest and entrance with an expression almost akin to reverence. Fenris wanted to ask about it, but his mind was mush. Behind him, Hayden had already sidled into their usual sleeping place, spooning Fenris from behind and pulling him against their chest.

Fenris was vaguely aware of the soft chuckle that came from Anders as he was drifting into sleep, and the gentle press of a kiss on his forehead.

“Hey. You have a good time?”

Fenris was pretty sure he nodded in response.

“Mmm hmm.”

Another chuckle. “Good. I’m glad. Sweet dreams, Fen.”

He heard the clink of a bowl being set on the nightstand nearby and the shifting of footsteps on the carpet as Anders moved around the bed to his side. Fenris felt the covers being tugged out from beneath them and pulled over, surrounding everything with warmth.

Fenris fell asleep in Hayden’s arms, with one of Anders’ hands against a hip, thumbing idle circles into his skin. There was no place he treasured more than this, and he was glad that it was his.


	6. Day 6: Let's Grow Old Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags and warnings for this chapter include: Papa!Anders, Papa!Fenris, Original Characters, Major Character Death, Angst with a Happy Ending.
> 
>  **Question of the Day:**  
>  Did they have/adopt children? If so, what did they leave behind?
> 
> _The trio spent their early years after Kirkwall in the isolation of the Amaranthine Forest, merely a few days’ ride from either Vigil’s Keep or Amaranthine itself. All were content in that isolation until it was disrupted by news from Varric about the Inquisition and the Wardens’ false Calling, and that was when they left that isolation for the first time._
> 
> _Surviving Adamant and the Fade had been like going to the Void and back; with Anders and Fenris having to drag Hayden behind them as Stroud remained behind to hold off the Nightmare. But afterwards, seeing all of the devastation wrought by the Venatori and the Wardens still under their control, they could not bear to leave it. Alistair and Rashia elected to head to Wiesshaupt instead to seek answers from their higher ups, and of course Anders and Fenris remained with Hayden, helping the Inquisition where they could._
> 
> _Fenris mostly helped on missions, though he rarely left without either of his healers. When not out with Fenris, Anders and Hayden tended to patients and refugees still displaced from the explosion at the Conclave, adult and child alike. Sometimes these children had parents, sometimes they did not._
> 
> _Hayden’s heart went out to all of the children without, because they knew the pain of losing a parent in their youth. However, it wasn’t until Fenris brought back a pair of nearly infant twins from an excursion to a dragon-ravaged home that Hayden was struck with a desire to do more than keep them warm and healthy until a place could be found for them._
> 
> _So, after many long discussions and several battles fraught with danger, the trio returned home when Corypheus was defeated… with two small children in tow._

Anders breathed deeply of the still winter air, and then exhaled slowly, watching as his breath misted and danced before him, mesmerizing. His gaze wandered across the line of trees several yards away from the porch where he sat, seemingly fixed on a point in the distance through the gentle evening snowfall. The wooden chair beneath him creaked slightly as he rocked, but the sound was muffled by the great white expanse that surrounded the area.

“Papa?” A voice called from inside the cabin, making him turn to cock his head in the direction of the sound. 

“Yes darling?” He answered, and coughed once, twice. Wetness rattled in his chest, and he sighed, leaning back in the chair. Distant footsteps grew louder until the visage of an elven woman with dark hair and amber eyes came into view, brows pinched in concern. She held two steaming cups in her hands, offering one to him.

“You’ve been out here for awhile,” she said as he gingerly took one of the cups, and relishing the taste of warm liquid chocolate on his tongue. He hummed noncommittally. “Yes, I know,” he replied in a chiding tone, smirking softly. “Can’t an old man enjoy the peace and quiet of a winter’s evening once in awhile?” He flashed her a slight grin, but was interrupted when a series of small coughs escaped him, threatening to develop into a full fit.

“We’d let you be,” said a man’s voice from the doorway, equal parts teasing and stern, “if not for you being so quiet. Your cough’s getting worse, and when we hadn’t heard anything from you in awhile we feared that you’d just… well.” The man was elven, like the woman, and it was obvious they were related. His hair was dark, like hers, but his eyes were a bright jewel green instead of amber.

Anders smiled sadly at the man. “I’m sorry I can’t put your fears to rest, son. An illness like this can’t be cured with magic or potions, and I’m… not as young as I used to be.” 

“We know, papa,” said the woman as she reached out to take his free hand into her own from her place in one of the other two rocking chairs. “People don’t live forever. We’re not meant to. I just… I want to be there for you.” There were tears swimming in the woman’s eyes, and Anders set his drink aside to reach up and brush a few from here cheeks.

“You are here for me, sweetheart,” he whispered, “and I’m grateful, I am. Both of you came all this way to be with your old man, and you didn’t have to.”

“Course we did,” the man grunted. “I mean, we know you’re never really alone, but with Hayden gone and Father having passed last Harvestmere… Liesel and I figured someone should be here, to keep you comfortable at the very least.”

Liesel snorted. “Faron’s being too humble, as usual. He said to me while we were on our way here actually,  _“Sister, it’s more than a duty to care for a parent in their last days; it’s an honor.”_  I mean, really. He spends too much time with Uncle Varric, I think.”

Anders chuckled. “Varric’s still kicking? Huh. What’s he got you doing, that he’s keeping you around for so long, Faron?”

“Dictating a memoir,” Faron grumbled. “The pain in his joints’d made it hard for him to write for years, so I’ve been transcribing everything for him.” He shrugged. “He wasn’t nearly so poetic when we were working on the last installment of Hard in Hightown. I think that thinking about the past has made him wistful. He even said he might tell me the story of Bianca if I ask him at the right time.”

“Bianca? As in the crossbow?”

“Nah, the woman. I mean, I’m pretty sure the crossbow’s involved, but he meant the woman. I’m sure of it.”

“I still say he’s gonna leave you hanging,” Liesel teased. Faron huffed, shurgging as he closed the door behind him and leaned against it. “Never said he wouldn’t. Anyway, his way of speaking gets stuck in my head sometimes and I say stuff weird.” Liesel grinned.

“You meant what you said though. I could tell.”

Anders smiled, picking up his cup and sipping it as he watched his adult children bicker with one another like they were small again. Warmth bloomed in his chest at the memories of raising them with Hayden and Fenris in this very cabin. He was glad to have them here with him during what could potentially be his last days. Hayden had been sick like this a few times before they’d eventually passed. Losing Hayden had hurt deeply, but at least he’d still had Fenris for several more years after that.

This past year on his own had been harder still, and he’d leaned heavily on Justice to keep him motivated to get out of bed each morning. He’d been so caught up in grief that he hadn’t noticed the onset of illness until nearly too late. He couldn’t bear to leave the home he’d built with his lovers, so he’d written to their children in Kirkwall instead, asking them to come if they could spare the time away from their own spouses and children to keep him company.

“Alright you two,” he chided them gently. “You know your father absolutely detested when you bickered without purpose. Why don’t you tell me how my grandchildren are doing? Liesel, isn’t your eldest getting married soon?”

“She  _is_ ,” Liesel grumbled. “I feel so old, papa.” 

Anders chuffed. “But she’s marrying a good man, yes? Or lady?”

Liesel nodded, her features softening. “A fine young man. I was surprised to learn he has an apprenticeship with the Hightown surgeon, with him being elven like us. I hadn’t thought it possible.” 

“Varric’s done some good in that city, it seems,” Anders sighed, contentedly. “I mean, I doubt he’s erased elven prejudice entirely, but I know things are better there now, for a lot of people. Having all of those terrible Tevinter ruins cleansed of blood magic traces seemed to help a lot too, as I recall.”

“The Circle’s not in the Gallows anymore either,” Faron added. “And it’s not called a Circle. My two boys go there, and they tell me that their classes are quite pleasant. Just last month, Tamaris was showing me this thing he could do with these things he called fairy lights. It looked like the night sky was plastered all around us, without needing to go outside.”

“I used to do that, when I was young,” Anders remembered with fondness. “My first love, Karl, once charmed some to appear in the shapes of red carnations and crystal grace on my bed when I threw back the covers. I used to make some for your father when he would wake in the dark from his nightmares. They helped ground him.” 

Anders chucked, and added, “Hayden liked them too, but they were more like Karl. They’d take your father and I out into the forest during autumn in evenings and we’d watch a magic light show while sharing a picnic by the water.”

“I remember those,” Faron mumbled, lost in thought. Liesel sighed contentedly. “I do too. They were lovely. I had no idea they were Hayden’s way of being romantic.” Anders nodded, laughing. “Well, with small children in the house, the three of us had to get creative with how we flirted. There was a lot of suggestive eyebrows waggling and slightly not so innocent dancing and hugging that went on when you were young.”

“And then it all went out the window that one time I walked in on you and Father having sex,” Faron snorted, and Liesel burst in a fit of giggles. “Hayden was  _mortified_ , but they set you and I down while Father and Papa were… finishing up, and we had the sex talk right then and there.” 

A few more snickers escaped her as she held a hand to her mouth and wrapped the other around her side, clutching at her clothes while she tried to laugh silently.

Anders was laughing too, but he had to be careful not to laugh too hard in case he started to descend into a coughing fit instead. Everything ached these days, but the laughter his children brought him made him feel lighter than he had in months, and the ache was easier to ignore.

Eventually the twins coaxed him to come back inside to sit by the fire, and later that evening the three of them shared a hearty meal of steaming noodle broth with fresh vegetables and chunks of butter soft chicken. Shortly before Anders retired for bed, Liesel dug around in her packs, presenting him something wrapped in cheap brown parchment and tied with string.

“I’d almost forgotten this,” she muttered as he began meticulously opening the package. “We found this for you in the estate library before we left–Varric told Faron that it was one of your favorite trashy romance novels and that it was quite important to you.”

Anders gasped when he finished opening the package, pulling the parchment away to find a copy of  _Fang of the Dragonlord_  sitting inside. This was the same one that Hayden and Fenris had purchased for him when they’d still lived in Kirkwall, and several of the pages had been dog-eared in honor of the parts that had been Karl’s favorites from the copy he’d kept in the Circle.

“Thank you for being so thoughtful, dear,” he murmured as he pulled Liesel close and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. “This will be such lovely bedtime reading, for certain.”

“Oh, I’m sure it will be,” Faron snickered, and Anders just fixed his son with a dead-eyed stare. 

“Boy, I’m a widower well into my twilight years. I am more interested in keeping my plants pruned and my cat fed than getting it up. Besides, the story in this one’s actually  _good_.” 

“Compared to Swords and Shields?”

“Anything’s better than that. The position he describes in the second installment on page 69 is physically impossible, unless you’re a contortionist, and even then it still sounds _vastly_  uncomfortable.” Faron snorted. “True. Still, you know, it couldn’t hurt. Don’t orgasms help… something when you’re sick?”

“That’s headaches, son,” Anders chortled, “and that doesn’t always work.” 

“Whatever. Go get some rest, ok? And call for us, if… if you need us.”

“I will. I love you.” “We love you too, Papa.”

Anders leaned over and pressed a kiss to Faron’s forehead and slowly made his way to the bedroom he’d once shared with Hayden and Fenris. 

It no longer smelled like them, but the room itself was full of several books and trinkets that they’d collected, gifts from their children and their friends. A drawer in the desk by the window was ajar, and inside it Anders knew was a box full of letters from their friends and each other, detailing much of their lives together from their time in Kirkwall onward. Some of Hayden’s old robes still hung in the closet, and in the dresser, tucked behind a sachet of elfroot and rosemary were a few pairs of worn black leggings. 

Anders lit a candle and set it on one of the nightstands, laying the book on the bed. He moved to dress for sleep, but was struck with the sudden desire to wear one of the silk robes Hayden had gifted him, along with a pair of woolen socks that Fenris had knitted for him a long, long time ago.

He paused in front of the small mirror that had been hung on a nearby wall, reaching back to pull out his hair tie. His hair had gone full white in the last year, and a pang of sadness beat deep in his chest at the thought Fenris hadn’t been around to see it.

“We match now,” he whispered, sighing. 

 _ **He would’ve laughed**_ , Justice muttered quietly over their shared connection.

Anders chuffed as he brushed his hair and got into bed, skipping straight to the bits that he preferred, instead of the steamy scenes. “He would have, yes. He had teased me about it when we first found those early white strands. I wish… I, I wish…” He sniffed, tears forming in his eyes.

 ** _Hush now_** , Justice soothed.  ** _It’ll be alright._**

Anders felt the spirit’s comfort in the core of him, and it helped as he breathed deeply, for once uninhibited by his illness. As his reading came to a close and exhaustion began creeping in, Anders found himself pausing at the last page, unwilling to turn it and close the book.

“Justice, I’m… I’m scared. Are you scared?”

_**Of what?** _

“Dying.”

Anders could practically feel the wheels of Justice’s mind turn as he thought, but the spirit’s answer surprised him when it finally came.

_**Strangely, I am not. In the Fade, there is no life and death. Spirits and demons simply… are. And while I know you hope that your death will return me to that state of existence, I have long hoped that it would not. Should I return as I am now, I would want. I would desire. These are dangerous things for a spirit.  
** _

_**But, in death, in whatever it means to fade from this existence into the next, I would not be a danger. In death, I could keep you company until we are separate beings once more. Our memories combined span more than your lifetime, a life that is well-lived at that. I would be content to retire my existence with you, knowing that good came from our being in this world.** _

_**So… no. I am not afraid. But do not feel shame that you are. It is normal, as I understand. Our children understand it.** _

Anders felt his breath leave him in a rush as a kind of peace stole over him. 

“Thank you, Justice.”

The response that filled him was not words, per se, but Anders knew it to be a gesture of gratitude nonetheless. He shifted in bed, glancing out the window to see a glimpse of the clear, starry sky. It filled him with nostalgia as he thought on the many nights he’d spent staring at those stars with his lovers, and he wondered if, wherever they were, they missed him as much as he missed them.

After a few more moments, he closed the book and set it aside. He blew out the candle and settled under the covers, feeling the aches and pains from earlier return. Strangely, he welcomed the deep weariness in his bones, one of the signs of that life well lived.

The call of the Fade swelled, and he noted with some amusement that it was different tonight. He closed his eyes, and breathed deeply.

When next he opened them, it was to a familiar voice, saying, “So, mage. We did get to match after all,” while a peal of long forgotten laughter filled the air around them.

A distance away, a shimmering knight smiled, still unafraid as they winked out of existence.


	7. Day 7: Putting Out the Fires of Kirkwall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags and warnings for this chapter include: Angst, Fluff, Kisses, Cuddling. Also Hawke being simultaneously cute and badass.
> 
>  **Question of the Day:**   
>  What is one thing Hawke, Fenris, and Anders learn from each other?
> 
> _From Anders, Hayden learns to find their strength of spirit, to embrace who and what they are and wear that strength as an armor against their enemies. It is a kind of confidence, Hayden thinks, and it is… but simply wearing it isn’t enough. It isn’t until the two of them become three that Hayden learns from Fenris how to take that armor and use it. Under the elf’s guiding hand, Hayden learns to take the mantle of Champion and make it their own; to shield the people of the city from themselves in the hopes of guiding them to a better future._
> 
> _From Hayden, Fenris learns a thing or two about what it means to be family. When Carver is able to make the trek out to Kirkwall every now and again, he watches as the two siblings bicker playfully while reminiscing about the sister and father he’d never met, and mother he hadn’t known as well as he probably should have. He doesn’t quite understand it, until Anders quietly sits next to him and explains that that’s how siblings are. Or that’s how they should be. He turns and looks into Anders’ face and sees the same bitterness that sits in his heart when he thinks about the sister who betrayed him, but then he looks around again and realizes that he doesn’t need her. He has Anders, he has Hayden, and yes, he has Carver. And he’s alright with that._
> 
> _And from Fenris, Anders learns just how much he and the elf are alike… and how much they differ. It takes him longer than the others, but he learns to ask after Fenris’ boundaries, his moods, his dreams, his health. Hayden taught him that he deserved to sleep in a little, to eat his share and a bit more, to indulge in a little self love. What Anders learned from Fenris wasn’t so much something he observed from the elf, it was something he learned for him. For Fenris, he learned to become a teacher, a lover, a supporter. A partner._

“Hayden.” Lyrium-lined hands gripped the top of the sofa, and toes curled nervously into the carpet. 

Fenris sighed and repeated himself with a little more force, “Hayden. Wake up.” 

Hayden, whom Fenris had found napping peacefully on the sofa in his search of the estate for Anders, stirred with a soft, barely audible groan as their eyes fluttered open and slowly they focused on the elf.

“Fenris?” They mumbled, simultaneously stretching and trying to rub the sleep from their eyes. “Sorry I fell asleep again. Did I miss dinner?” 

Fenris frowned, grumbling. “No, but I fear the–I fear that Anders might. He has not returned from the clinic yet this evening. Does this... happen on occasion?”

Hayden blinked blearily at him for a few heartbeats more before they turned to glance at one of their precious dwarven timepieces on the mantle and their expression shifted into something that likely mirrored Fenris’ own. They sighed deeply, swinging their legs onto the floor and moving to stand.

“He might be overwhelmed with patients this evening. It happens sometimes.”

“But what if he isn’t? He mentioned the other night that the Templar patrols were... increas– _venhedis_ , why didn’t I stay with him today?” Fenris watched, his stomach filling with a tight bubble of anxiety as Hayden pulled on the thick coat and boots that were lying in a nearby high-backed chair. 

“If he isn’t, then we shall round up Varric and Isabela and go Templar hunting.”

They looked up and met Fenris’ eyes, and that tight knot of anxiety lessened when he saw the steely determination that filled their gaze. “I doubt that’s the case however,” Hayden assured him, reaching for the staff that leaned against the mantle and ducking under to sling the harness across their chest. “Varric has people watching the clinic when we’re not there. If something happened to Anders, we’d be the first to know.”

Fenris was still tense with nervous energy as Hayden led him down into the cellars, though the location gave him pause. “Why are we down here?” he asked, and Hayden turned to look at him incredulously for a moment before something appeared to dawn on them.

“Oh, right. I forgot that I hadn’t met you yet then. Well. Before I bought this place back with the coin Varric and I found in the Deep Roads, Gamlen had sold it to pay off some debts... to a bunch of slavers, apparently.” Fenris scoffed and scowled, which earned him a smirk from Hayden before they continued.

“Mother... Mother had told Carver that there used to be an entrance to the cellars that led into the sewers, and he wanted to check it out to see if we could find the will our grandparents had written so that we could help her prove the place was rightfully ours. Apparently it leads to an alley not far from the clinic, so it’s pretty much the fastest way there.”

They shook their head and huffed to themselves, muttering, “I dunno why we hadn’t told you about it before. Hnn. Must’ve just forgotten.”

“Be careful, Hawke. You might be growing senile in your old age.”

“Har har.” Hayden turned around and stuck their tongue out at Fenris, who was quite surprised when he retaliated with his own. He didn’t even realize that Hayden’s little trick had eased the rest of his anxiety until they arrived at the clinic doors, which were propped open and full of people going in and out. They entered the clinic and paused to look around to take in the scene, which was as desperate as it was familiar.

Hayden sighed deeply and set off in a direction, presumably where they’d spotted the mage against the far wall where he was knitting together a severe chest wound on a young man who couldn’t be any older than fifteen or sixteen.

“Bone Pit again, Anders?” They asked, and Anders jolted, his healing spell fizzling out a bit as it finished.

Anders looked up sharply and sighed in relief, giving the young man a quick once over before stand. Fenris frowned, watching as the mage swayed a bit on his feet. On impulse, he reached out to steady him, and Anders melted against him with a soft moan. 

“Yeah. I think I’ve finished the worst of it, but I still have more to see off before... before...”

Hayden shook their head vehemently. 

“I can handle the rest, Anders. You sit down and rest. Fenris, can you make sure he does that? Sit on him if you have to.”

Fenris snorted as Anders groaned a bit in protest but didn’t put up much of a fight. He found one of the few unoccupied cots against a nearby wall and placed the mage on it gingerly, sitting down next to him.

“You don’t have to sit with me if you don’t want to,” Anders murmured tiredly when he noticed Fenris’ left leg twitching in a jittery little dance. Fenris grumbled. “I am... not  _un_ comfortable here,” he murmured back, frowning. “It is... it is merely that there is so much going on. Too much noise, too much movement.” The two of them watch from afar as Hayden, with the help of Lirene and a few other assistants, corralled most of the patients into groups of people according to the severity of their injuries.

“You feel as if you should be helping? You should be active, and moving?”

Fenris tried to still his twitching, and with some effort, was able to manage it. He pressed closer against Anders, using the mage as an anchor.

“That is part of it, I think. Another is that Hayden is among all those people, and any one of them might be a danger that only I could see, were I close enough.”

“Hayden will be alright,” Anders assured him. “Even a Carta or Coterie member wouldn’t dare to make a hit on the Champion. They know that this city runs on the free flow of coin and less than reputable employment, and without the Champion, they know that Meredith and the Chantry might decide to start really cracking down on that. And that’s not even taking into account all of the protection charms they had Sandal weave into those robes of theirs. I mean, I’ve never seen anything quite like it.”

“They’re pretty perceptive when they want to be too,” Fenris added, to which Anders nodded, sliding down so that he could use Fenris’ shoulder as a pillow.

“I’ll bet they noticed how late it was. They usually come for me if I’m not home before dinner.” Fenris made a noise in the back of his throat and shook his head even though Anders couldn’t see.

“They’d fallen asleep on the sofa again, actually. I was the one who noticed you were not around and I woke them to ask why.” He shifted, a bit of familiar anxiousness filling him at his next words. “I thought something might’ve happened to you. I was... concerned.”

Anders huffed through his nose and Fenris felt the mage’s smile form against his skin.

“That’s... rather sweet of you,” Anders whispered. “Thank you, Fenris.”

Fenris tried to pretend that Anders’ words didn’t make his heart want to melt and form a small puddle on the clinic floor, but he couldn’t summon up enough denial to try. He felt the flush on his cheeks go all the way up his ears, and a very soft rumbling sound filled the space around them.

It stuttered out a few moments later when Anders shifted to look up at him with wonder-filled eyes, and Fenris felt his face grow warmer under the mage’s stunned scrutiny.

“Oh don’t stop,” Anders gasped quietly. “I rather enjoyed that! It was lovely.”

Anders reached up to brush a lock of hair out of Fenris’ eyes, but the stubborn strands fell back into place as soon as Anders pulled away. He huffed in what appeared to be amusement before he continued with, “Do you think you could do it again? I... I can’t imagine that purring was... encouraged, in your past.”

Fenris frowned, trying to remember what he’d done to start it, but found that he could not. He sighed, shaking his head. “I do not know how. And if I ever knew, then that memory is hidden from me like all the others.”

“We’ll find a way to get those back for you someday,” Anders vowed, and though the words were heavy with the weight of an earnest promise, his expression was full of tender adoration.

Fenris could not help the impulse that followed as he bent his head to capture Anders’ lips in a soft, sensual kiss.

When they broke away, the world seemed to fade around them while their breaths danced across the other’s face. Fenris never wanted the moment to end; he felt so safe here, and so loved. However the two were jolted back into reality at the sound of a throat clearing, and they both turned to see Hayden standing at the other end of the cot, blinking at them in amazement.

“Wow,” they breathed, still looking a little stunned. “That was beautiful. What, ah... what do I need to do to get some of that?”

Anders chuckled softly as he shifted, sitting up properly. 

“All you have to do is ask, darling. I’d be happy to kiss you senseless anytime.”

Hayden grunted, folding their arms across their chest and smirking. “Right. Anyway. We should go home and eat. Orana might even be done with desert by the time we get back.”

“So everyone’s been tended to?”

Hayden nodded. “Everyone who needed a magic touch, anyway. Lirene shoved me off once that was done and said she and the others could handle the rest and close up when they’re done. But...” They sighed, glancing back at the slowly thinning crowd. “...I heard them talk of another attack at the Bone Pit. A big one, this time.” 

Hayden shook their head and scowled. “Hubert’s gonna be in such a snit once he finds out. Better to just look into it before he does.”

Anders frowned. “I’d be careful. I heard them talking about it too, before you came. It sounds like a high dragon attacked the entire complex, and they’re nothing to mess with. I’ve fought them before with Rashia, though to be fair, one of them was technically an undead spirit dragon...”

Hayden’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. “A... what now?”

They gestured to Anders with one hand, fixing Fenris with a curious stare. “You sure he’s alright? Because I’m pretty sure he just said something about an undead spirit dragon.”

Fenris shrugged, nonplussed. “You heard correctly. To be fair, you’ve never heard Rashia tell the tale of the Blackmarsh. If he says he fought an undead spirit dragon with her, then he probably did.”

“We found those dragon bones  _in_  the Blackmarsh, actually,” Anders added. 

Fenris merely offered Hayden a “case-and-point” expression while the other mage appeared to remain a mixture of awed and skeptical.

“Spirit dragons aside though,” Anders grumbled. “I’m not looking forward to that Bone Pit trip.  _At all_.”

“I’m... kind of curious, actually. Maybe I can harvest some blood for Solivitus.”

“Hayden, only you would be excited to head into certain death,” Fenris sighed. “Only you.” Hayden merely held a hand to their mouth and giggled daintily. 

“Well, the high dragon will likely still be warm when we get to it,” Anders interjected as he stood. Fenris noted that his steps were steadier than before, and it made him smile, just a little. “And dinner won’t,” he finished. “Shall we deal with one crisis at a time then?”

“Maker, this city could learn a thing or two from that,” Hayden mused, chuckling. Anders scoffed as they left the clinic and headed for the entrance to the estate cellars. 

“That’s unlikely, but it would be nice, wouldn’t it?” 

“It would be,” Fenris agreed. “But it’s not likely to happen. Still, that’s no reason for us not to deal with our own problems first. What’s that saying you’re so fond of, Anders?”

“Life is short, eat dessert first.”

“Right. Let’s do that.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Hayden agreed, and Fenris could hear the grin in their voice. The high dragon could wait, Fenris thought, because when they arrived back at the estate, dessert was indeed waiting for them along with their dinner. 

So the three of them sat, ate their dessert, and life was good.


End file.
